Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Islam has no age barrier for marriage — MURIC Director, Akintola

A professor of Islamic Eschatology and Director of Muslim Rights Concern, Ishaq Akintola, speaks withBAYO AKINLOYE about the abduction saga of Ese Oruru


Is child marriage permitted in Islam, looking beyond the case of Ese Oruru?


Islam is a complete way of life. As a religion, non-Muslims will have to take Muslims as they are, not as they want them to be. Neither Muslims nor their religion should be judged according to other standards. There will never be any inter-religious understanding so long as non-Muslims continue to measure Muslims and their way of life by Christian, Buddhist or Confucianist yardsticks. The simple truth is: Islam has no age barrier in marriage and Muslims have no apology for those who refuse to accept this, particularly since 99.99 per cent of such marriages are conducted among Muslims themselves. If the man is a Muslim and the girl is also a Muslim and the girl’s parents give their approval, what is the business of any non-Muslim in that? It is sheer interference in the affair of Muslims and an attempt to exert undue influence on them. More often than not, those who interfere in this manner have ulterior motives. It is either for the purpose of smearing the image of Islam or to gain a comparative advantage and score a religious point (for their own faith of course).


We are not unaware of all these antics, yet we patiently endure them. Non-Muslims should therefore keep off Muslims’ affairs. Who are non-Muslims to be the judge of Muslims when every religious group has its own failings? This interference often causes unnecessary strain on Christian-Muslim relationship. Despite the fact that our Christian neighbours sing the hymn ‘I want to be like Jesus…’ repeatedly, they are not behaving like Jesus (peace be upon him). Neither are they following his teachings. There will be peace if they do. But they don’t. Jesus taught Christians to mind their own business and to resist the temptation to judge others. He said, ‘Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure that you give will be the measure you get.’


That means your organisation, Muslim Right Concern, supports child marriage?  


I am a Muslim and I support all truly Muslim practices. Our organisation, MURIC, is an Islamic human rights outfit. So naturally we should support all principles of Islam. It promotes Allah-given fundamental human rights as well as Allah-given fundamental rights of all creatures, animals – mammals, invertebrates, birds in the sky, the environment and all natural entities. Everything created by Allah has a right. We promote their rights. MURIC believes in all Shariah-compliant marriages, regardless of the age of the girl. The sensationalisation of intra-Muslim marriages to the so-called minors is uncalled for and, more often than not, done with hidden malice. For your information, we don’t have what you call ‘child marriage’. We have nikah (Islamic marriage). I affirm clearly, emphatically and unequivocally, that what happens among Muslims is strictly a Muslim affair and should remain so as long as it is Shariah-compliant. Non-Muslims have no right to poke their noses into any religious action taken by Muslims for Muslims. Nikah is a marriage of the Muslims conducted by the Muslims for the Muslims. How the Muslims do it is nobody’s business. Do we come into the church to criticise the way marriages are conducted? Have Muslims said anything about gay marriages inside churches? That is the Christian way of life and they should stop attempts to impose their lifestyle on Muslims. We will never allow that. It is an attempt to subject Muslims to public ridicule.


You cannot hold us in contempt and talk about love. It is sheer deceit. It is hypocrisy. Even Jesus (peace be upon him) called those who ignore their own faults to interfere in other people’s matters, hypocrites. He said, “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’ when there is a log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” So, instead of paying attention to marriages conducted among Muslims, Christians should do something about gay marriages inside churches.


What is your view on the abduction, forceful marriage and conversion to Islam of Ese Oruru by Yunusa Dahiru?  


MURIC issued a statement on this ugly episode immediately it broke out. Let me pick the highlights. It was a kind of Romeo and Juliet affair. We demanded that Yunusa Dahiru, the ‘boyfriend’ with whom the girl eloped, should be arrested and prosecuted because the girl is a minor and a Christian. Attempting to marry off the girl without her parent’s permission is not only a breach of common law but also a violation of the Shariah provision on the need for the parents’ approval before nikah can be deemed valid. La nikah bila waliyyin is a basic condition before marriage can be conducted in Islam and Qur’an 4:25 lays emphasis on this same condition. Now, we cannot talk of forceful marriage in this case because both parents of Yunusa, the Shari’ah Council in Kano and even the Emir himself, His Eminence Alhaji Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, refused to conduct the marriage on the basis that the girl is a Christian; she is underage and her parents had not given consent. So there was no marriage.


Where is the forceful marriage they keep talking about? But we in MURIC are displeased with the conduct of our Romeo (Yunusa) for two major reasons: One, he did not listen to his father who warned him not to bring the girl to Kano. Islam frowns heavily on disobedience to parents –Qur’an 17:23; 31:14. Two, contrary to the provisions of Qur’an 17:32 which forbids fornication and adultery, he may have had carnal knowledge of the girl because it is now being rumoured that Juliet (Ese) is five months pregnant. MURIC is not going to say Yunusa is innocent just because he is a Muslim. Islam teaches justice and fairness. The religion or tribe of the parties involved does not matter. The Qur’an commands Muslims to ‘…Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses of Allah, even if the case is against yourselves, or your parents, or your family, and whether it is against a rich or poor man…’ That is why we called for Yunusa the Romeo’s arrest.


Ijaw youths are not looking at it from an objective angle. They are spoiling for war. All they see is a northerner that abducted their daughter. But is it abduction or elopement? Can we prevent a young boy and a young girl from falling in love with each other? Even Ese’s father has his own faults despite his attempt to blame the Emir of Kano. But the truth is, Ese’s father has a big portion of the blame; same with the mother. How did they train their daughter?


But is the forceful conversion right?


Regarding Ese’s conversion, it is not acceptable to us yet, until the girl is 18. At least, that is what the Nigerian law says and we have to comply since we are Nigerians. The condition for accepting conversion as valid in Islam is different, however. It is buluug, which is maturity that matters. Buluug is measured by the time the girl starts menstruating, which may vary according to her physiological condition.


People are saying the Ese-Yunusa saga has further dented the image of Muslims in the country. Do you agree with that?


That was the aim of the propagators of this story ab initio and I don’t think that aim has changed. Whether they have succeeded or not is another thing anyway. But I think they failed. Yes, they failed woefully.


Besides your organisation, many feel the Muslim community is not bothered about the unfolding event that has Islam at its core. Would you say major Islamic groups, authorities and individuals are complacent about human rights?  


That is not true. Where do you think MURIC gets this deluge of information it uses very often. We network but don’t let us talk about how we do that. Sometimes, other Islamic organisations also rise to the occasion.Exempli gratia, the Nigerian Supreme Council for Islamic Affairs has tackled several issues in the past. Take also the Muslim Students Society of Nigeria; look at the way they handled the issue of the Joint Admission Matriculation Board’s discrimination against candidates who wore hijab in the ongoing JAMB examinations. The National Council of Muslim Youth Organisations and The Companion have equally taken up issues at different periods. But MURIC may be seen as different just because we specialise in human rights, while others handle all aspects of Islamic orientation (evangelisation, education, prayers, enlightenment, etc).


People expect groups like NASFAT, MSSN, NSCIA and others to be involved in this issue. Does it mean they don’t see anything wrong in Yunusa’s actions?  


What is MURIC? Who provides it with information from time to time? Is it not the organisations you mentioned above? MURIC will be nowhere at all if all those organisations withhold information from it. Particularly NSCIA; that is our umbrella organisation and MURIC is tied to its umbilical cord. You will agree with me that the present NSCIA is quite different from what we had before. With the current dynamic and highly mobile, visionary and exemplary leadership, NSCIA is doing quite well and I can tell you that they are involved in this Ese Oruru saga. The fact is that MURIC consults widely on these issues. Sometimes, the organisation is called upon to handle some affairs. So, you must stop imagining that it is MURIC or that it is MURIC alone. MURIC is just an errand organisation and if you send your children to the market and they bring home what you need, you don’t have to embark on the journey to the market by yourself. I hope I have made myself very clear.


Religious crises are not uncommon in the country. Is there a potential for this situation to degenerate into a religious and tribal upheaval?


Yes, it is quite dicey. There are extremists, terrorists and fanatics on both sides of the divide. We need to step up enlightenment about the need for religious tolerance. But above all, we need to leave the Muslims alone. Let the Muslims go. Nigerian Christians should stop measuring Muslims by Christian yardsticks. We have different norms and values. Let us respect one another’s freedom of religion.


Yunusa is seen by many as the culprit in Ese’s predicament. Do you think he acted alone?  


What else are we looking for? We have seen Juliet. We have seen Romeo. Are we still looking for the whole feuding Montague and Capulet families?


Would you prefer Yunusa being tried under Sharia to being tried under the penal or criminal law, having allegedly committed crimes across two states?  


Oh yes, I would love that (to be tried under Sharia law)!


The Emir of Kano has been criticised for his alleged role in the Ese-Yunusa case. Do you think he deserves the criticisms?  


Those who criticise the Emir of Kano on this case are ethnic bigots. They are blinded by their hatred for northerners. What do you want this man to do? He referred the case to the Shariah Council. The latter examined it and decided the girl was too young and she lacked parental support and approval. Pronto, the Emir ordered that the girl be returned to her parents in Bayelsa. What has he done wrong? What many Nigerians don’t know about His Eminence, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, is that he is wearing two crowns: He is an Emir and a versatile Islamic scholar. This was something I also did not know when he was still serving as the Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria. I came to know later that he speaks Arabic fluently. He is a great asset, a pearl among his peers. You can only hate him out of envy.


Following Ese’s case is a growing number of allegations of other minors being abducted, forced into marriage and converted to Islam. Isn’t this worrisome?  


Which cases? Do you have the proof? Why is the press more interested in investigating Muslims and anti-Muslim whistleblowers? That is my worry. Why is the press silent about hundreds of Muslim children taken to Christian camps from Edo State? Why isn’t the press interested in that? People are free to beat about the bush anyway. They have to justify their pay. The Henry Townsend spirit has to be there too, you know.


What is the Muslim community going to do about these alleged abductions (like the one in Sokoto)?  


There you go again! Baseless, clueless, unfounded and untenable allegations; rumours, rumours and rumours! Where you have cases, bring them forward. You cannot turn us into suspects overnight. You know where abduction is rampant. I won’t mention states. Why is the Nigerian press so keen on causing distractions? A whole region has turned abduction into family and tribal business. The Nigerian press looks the other way and starts prying into issues that have nothing to do with abduction.


Abductions of female children for sex slavery and forced marriage have become a trend in the country. What’s the way out?  


That’s not true. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and I am not under any obligation to answer that kind of question. It is prejudicial. I respect the press and I will continue to cooperate with them but I will not be an accomplice to untruth. Better still, if you must have an answer, the security agencies are the ones who would provide an answer to your question.


Someone like Governor Ayodele Fayose has alleged that President Muhammadu Buhari is trying to Islamise Nigeria. Do you agree with him?  


The fear is unfounded and the comment is most unfair. Unlike Ayo Fayose, Buhari is neither a religious zealot nor an ethnic jingoist. He (Fayose) is the worst governor Nigeria ever had. He is trying to whip up religious sentiment. He wants to start a religious war. People like Fayose cannot hold Nigeria together. I am waiting for the day when he will seek a higher position at the federal level. He holds sectarian and parochial views. He is Islamophobic.   While every patriotic Nigerian is working towards peaceful coexistence, Fayose is actively working towards religious crisis. It is a shame and a negation of everything he stands for as a governor. For seeking to cause religious hullabaloo, Fayose has broken his oath of office.


Recently, President Muhammadu Buhari refused the offer to join the Saudi-led coalition against terror. How do you see that in view of the ongoing insurgency in the North?


The President was right. Why should Nigeria join an all-Muslim military alliance led by anybody? Is this an Islamic country? I told you earlier that Islam teaches justice and equity. We will not support such a coalition just because the President is a Muslim. Our Christian and traditional neighbours have the right to be carried along. Which army is Nigeria going to use if it joins such a coalition? Is it the same Nigerian Army? Is this army made up of Muslims alone?



Islam has no age barrier for marriage — MURIC Director, Akintola

Monday, November 2, 2015

Modern vs olden days’ marriage – reasons for increased divorce.

By Ehi Ekhator


In the past, marriage was all about satisfying and fulfilling the ego and pride of families. Men were allowed to marry more than one wife as long as they were capable of taking care of them. Polygamy was a way of telling your friends that you were better and wealthier than them and the women completely took it as a responsibility not to fail, a pride to belong to someone without the thought of love.


Marriage
Marriage

According to history, marriage was never based on love. In fact it was considered too serious to marry for love as both were too fragile to merge in a serious institution like marriage.


As the world changed, so were the people. In 17th, 18th centuries, it was considered to marry for love as expert started coming out to condemn the idea of marrying for wealth and fame instead of love. Despite the new system, people still considered it a serious institution.


The greater part of the world was still involved in arranged marriage. It was expected that if love is later discovered during living together, that was an added advantage to the journey.


“If love could grow out of marriage, that was wonderful,” said Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, a History.


What has changed? Why staying married is no longer relevant to the new generation compared to the older generation despite the absence of love in the latter?


Those days, marriage was based on agreement between a partner and his or her family. The same system is still practiced in Sri Lanka till date.


When a child is ready to settle down, parents advertise the information on newspapers and any interested person would contact for a get together. Usually, the father, mother and the child involved would visit the other family who will then give the individuals concerned, a chance to have a brief chat. If they are okay with what they see and their discussion reached an agreement, a marriage date is fixed. Love is expected to grow as the parties live together.


In the 16th, 17 centuries the following were important:


  1. Personalities

  2. Industriousness

  3. Family Background

  4. Tolerance

In the 21st centuries, the following are important:


  1. Appearance

  2. Money

  3. Love

  4. Pride

  5. Intolerance

According to Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka “Dr. Romance”) psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media) “Younger people are quite unrealistic about relationships and what they are all about. Those who grow up in divorced families have no model of the give and take marriage requires.  Because of these unrealistic dreams, they get terribly disappointed when relationships turn out to need work.  They learn as they get older, and have some experiences with relationships.  Older people are more realistic and understand that relationship is about partnership, not about looks, or other traits.  It’s much easier to live with someone who is cooperative than to worry about minor personality traits that are different.  You need shared core values and good communication, which you can’t find out about a prospective partner from just a few dates.


More men and women are delaying marriage because women see marriage as gaining a family and a partner, but most men see it as a loss of freedom.  Women are delaying marriage for career, but men delay it because they don’t want to settle down.


There are also many military marriages, and the separation due to deployment or being reassigned at work leads to several issues. The spouse at home feels that all the responsibilities of home, work and family have landed on him or her.  The away spouse feels disconnected and alienated.  Jealousy issues can arise also.  Then, there’s the worry one spouse feels for another.


Whether you live together before marriage or not doesn’t determine the success of your marriage. Neither does it matter if you were married before.  Some people learn what they need to know from a failed marriage, some just repeat their mistakes. What really counts is knowing the “technology” of relationships and what it takes to keep a marriage strong, happy and rewarding for both partners.”


Marriage changed gradually in the 20th century when law and custom and subordination of wife to husband were enforced.


The law gradually gave the women more power, wives slowly began to insist on equal rights at home unlike in the olden days when the woman knew her roles as taking care of the house, cooking for the husband and children while the husbands provides. Wives slowly began to request for the position of their husbands, equality instead of men’s properties.


The moment women were given the say, decisions like how many children to have, or not to have kids at all, and they could divorce if they feel unrecognized, unhappy and slighted came to light.


The government began to interfere into matrimonies. Wife could call the police, asks the man to move out, demand for a ransom during divorce.


“Marriage law had become gender-neutral in Western democracy. At the same time, the rise of effective contraception fundamentally transformed marriage” said Marilyn Yalom, author of a History of the Wife.


Since marriage became a personal contract between people seeking love, stability and happiness, the primary importance in the search for a life partner gradually changed.


According to theweek magazine, “In the 17th and 18th centuries, enlightenment thinkers pioneered the idea that life was about the pursuit of happiness. They advocated marrying for love rather than wealth or status. This trend was augmented by Industrial Revolution and the growth of the middle class in the 19th century, which enabled young men to select a spouse and pay for a wedding, regardless of parental approval. As people took more control of their love lives, they began to demand the right to end unhappy unions. Divorce became much more commonplace”.


The liberty to freewill and pursuit for happiness led to the free entry and free exist of a sacred union like marriage.


In the olden days, women were more interested in the marriage life than the wedding. The ceremony was a mere gathering for recognition of the union which was introduced in 1215, marriage was declared one of the church’s seven sacraments, alongside rites like baptism and penance. But it was only in the 16th century that the church decreed that wedding be performed in public, by a priest and before witnesses


Nowadays women are more interested in the wedding than the lifelong marriage itself. Some women do the ceremony to put shame in the faces of those who thought they couldn’t find partners to walk them on the aisle.


Many of these women already know that the partners they are about to begin their lives with aren’t what they need but the pride and “my dream finally came through” stop them from seeing the bigger picture.


Sex satisfaction wasn’t important. The reason for sexual intercourse was to produce children and women didn’t have a say to what they wanted.


In the recent time, sex which was sacred in the past has no value. In the past, it was difficult to have sex with someone you were not emotionally connected to. It meant something to both parties so it was hard to freestyle a one night for a stranger.


Lately cheating has been the top of the chat for the increased divorce. However, recent couples are now living with the fact that cheating is inevitable, many partners have concluded that “men are dogs” while some men believe that “women cannot be trusted, they are flirts”, and these general recognition have also made them to be able to live with partners  they know could be cheating on them.


In the past, people were more family conscious. However, the new generation is self centered, ego maniac, illusionist who wants “happily ever after” probably deceived by the movie “Cinderella”.


 



Modern vs olden days’ marriage – reasons for increased divorce.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

History in Jos as church conducts mass wedding for 52 couples

  • Presiding bishop condemns same-sex marriage

Jos, the Plateau State capital, witnessed a mass wedding involving an unprecedented number of couples last Sunday. YUSUFU AMINU IDEGU reports the convivial atmosphere that characterised the unusual event.


Jos, the Plateau State capital, witnessed an unusual event last Sunday as a Catholic church joined 52 men with 52 women in a mass wedding ceremony involving an unprecedented number of couples. St. Moses Parish of the Catholic Church located in Tudunwada, Jos North Local Government Area, Plateau State, facilitated the tying of nuptial knots by the love birds who took turns to take marriage oaths before they were formally joined in holy matrimony.


Mass wedding for church
Mass wedding for church

The mass wedding was the first of its kind not only in Jos but the entire Plateau State. Of course, there had been mass weddings before that day, but none of them involved more than 20 couples at a time. The ring road that passes through Tudunwada community became almost impassable for motorists as the community where St. Moses Catholic Church was located witnessed the biggest crowd in its history. The road witnessed the most hectic traffic congestion ever as both the celebrants and their guests and relations as well as other road users struggled to wriggle their ways out of the snarl. Ironically, many of the new couples were happy that their wedding could account for so much traffic congestion.


Interestingly, all the couples had been married in the traditional way and most of them had lived together in marriage for years. Many of them had even raised children and were looking forward to their grandchildren. But they felt that their lives were not complete because they had all along shut Jesus Christ out of their marriage. Even in the church, there was a limit beyond which they could not rise because as far as the church was concerned, they were not officially married. Even the larger society mocked them, hence their resolve to take their marriage oaths before the congregation.


It was observed that many of them could not arrange for white garment wedding before they began to raise children due to their poor economic conditions. Because they could not afford the cost of church wedding, the husbands and wives agreed to go ahead to raise children while praying for the day they would have enough savings for church marriage.


One of the couples identified simply as Mr and Mrs Samuel, said: “As Christians, for everything we do in life, we ask God to take control of our plan. Ours is to have the plan, it is God that executes it. We also believe that God’s time is the best. We might have had it in mind to confirm our marriage all this while, but that did not come to be until today. So, we believe that this day is the day chosen by God for our church wedding.


“It is all for good because even without coming before God in marriage, God has been with us. God has blessed us with children. God gave us boys and girls, and we consider that as a huge blessing in our lives.”


Another couple, Mr and Mrs David, said: “All fingers created by God are not equal. Organising a church marriage in this modern life is not easy. But you must get married at the ripe age irrespective of your economic situation. So after our traditional marriage, we decided to postpone the church wedding pending when we would have sustainable income to sponsor our wedding.


“But we appreciate God for sparing our lives till today to make our plan real. Some were not lucky to get to this day, so this wedding is a celebration of our married life. It is about celebrating God for the number of children He has blessed us with. It is also a thanksgiving to God for our lives.”


Mr and Mrs Stephen: “It was a burden on our heads that we were not able to have our marriage confirmed by God. We feel so relieved today that we have taken that burden off our heads.”


According to the Parish Priest of St. Moses Catholic Church, “the essence of marriage is for a couple to live happily. These couples have had happiness in abundance in their lives since they have been together. They are happy and contented irrespective of their weak financial positions.


“So, marriage is not about money or expensive marriage ceremony. It is all about the couple being happy and contented with where God has placed them in life. So I see their holy sacrament today as a celebration of happy life, happy couples and happy family.”


Interestingly, some of the couples had to wait for their children to sponsor their weddings. They had struggled to train their children only for the children to grow up and realize that their parents’ marriage rites were not completed. It became a challenge to them. To them, their parents must have sacrificed the money they would have used for marriage to pay their school fees and feed them. So when the children discovered this, they picked up the challenge to pay their parents back by making sure their marriage rites were performed. The church has the record of members who need to complete their marriage rites. So it decided to set a date for such members. The chosen date was October 11, 2015.


Due to the importance the Catholic Church attaches to marriage, the oath is often conducted by the Archbishop himself. So on that fateful day, the Catholic Archbishop of Jos, His Grace, Bishop Ignatius Kaigama, was there in person to officiate. When it came to taking marriage oaths, he asked all the 52 couples to repeat some words after him, and they all did. The couples took the oath in chorus, exchanged the marriage rings at the same time and later signed the marriage certificates under the watch of the Archbishop.


Bishop Kaigama, who is the President of the Catholic Bishops Conference of Nigeria, said: “The Catholic Church will not relent in its support of procreation in the country, against the ideology of some societies campaigning against it. The 52 couples joined today is an unprecedented number in the growth of the family of Christ and the diocese. The sacrament of marriage also witnessed alongside the sacrament of confirmation of 217 soldiers of Christ.”


He added: “We, as leaders saddled with the responsibility to shepherd the flocks of God, the church would continue to support procreation in the world because the living God said we should go into the world to multiply and fill the earth.”


Bishop Kaigama expressed deep concern about the negative ideology of some countries in the world championing same-sex union and want to compel other nations in Africa and other parts of the world to legalise the same-sex ideology.


He said: “Let me use this opportunity to warn the rest of the world not to accept the ungodly ideology of same-sex.”


The Parish Priest of St. Moses Catholic Church,Wada, Jos, Rev. Father Joseph Mancha, who used the opportunity to eulogise the Bishop of Jos Catholic Diocess, described Bishop Kaigama as a true Shepherd whose selfless work is not just within the diocese but the world at large.


Father Mancha described Kaigama is an ambassador of peace, following his recent award by an Italian based reputable international organisation, Archvio Disarmo or Richerche International Institute as the recipient of their Golden Dove for Peace.


Mancha said: “This is the fruit of your local and international tireless and selfless efforts in building bridges and the consensus of ecumenism on the interfaith dialogue, peaceful co-existence and inter-religious harmony in the world.


“By this, we are proud to note that you have joined the illustrious company of great statesmen like Nelson Mandela, Perez De Cuellar, Jesse Jackson, Mohammed Elbardei and Jane Goodall in building a peaceful society in the world.”


Mancha stressed that the parish and the parishioners were blessed with the presence of the Kaigama, adding that the bishop had strengthen the spiritual growth of his people.


The newly confirmed couples marched out of the church to have their photographs at the end of the service. Most of them later took their guests to their family homes for reception as there were no enough parks or gardens in the city to accommodate them and their guests. Besides, it was obvious that most of them could not muster the funds to rent a park.


Included among the new couples were: Mr. Chrisantus and his wife Lucy; Mr. Jonathan and his wife Catherine; Mr. Thomas  and his wife Christiana; Mr. Kenneth and his wife Evelyn; Mr. Augustine and wife Mary; Mr. Bitrus and wife Josephine; Mr. Francis and wife Catherine; Mr. Ishaya & wife Patricia: and Mr. Bitrus and wife Angela.


Others were: Mr. Joseph and wife Margaret; Mr. Samson and wife Pekes; Mr. Raymond and wife Justina; Mr. Joefrey and wife Cecilia; Mr. Peter and wife Mary; Mr. James and wife Grace; Mr. Haruna and wife Charity; Mr. Emmanuel and wife Roseline; Mr. Williams and wife Esther; Mr. Bitrus and wife Margaret; Mr. Victor and wife Tabitha; Mr. Anthony wife Grace; Mr. Francis and wife Regina; Mr. Sunday and wife Rose; Mr. Peter and wife Sarah; Mr. Luka and wife Mary; Mr. Thomas and wife Esther; and Mr. Ernest wife Esther.


Also on the roll were: Mr. Godwin and wife Ruth; Mr. Isaac and wife Magdaline; Mr. John Paul and wife Hanatu; Mr. Thomas and wife Victoria; Mr. Daniel and wife Josephine; Mr. Lawrence and wife Grace; Mr. David and wife Charity; Mr. Samson and wife Mary; Mr. Theophilus and wife Antonia; Mr. Boniface and wife Tabitha; Mr. Yohana and wife Deborah; Mr. Cletus and wife Longret; Mr. Peter and wife Grace; Mr. Joseph and wife Abigail; Mr. Kefas and wife Charity; Mr. Moses and wife Ruth; Mr. Moses and wife Mary; Mr. Peter and wife Angelia; Mr. Raphael and wife Margaret; and Mr. Stephen and wife Gloria.



History in Jos as church conducts mass wedding for 52 couples

Friday, September 4, 2015

Okotie behind my crashed marriage – Emeka Ike

Pastor of the Household of God Church, Lagos, Chris Okotie, has described an allegation levelled against him by Nollywood actor, Emeka Ike, that he is responsible for the crisis rocking his marriage, as rubbish.


Chris Okotie and Emeka Ike

Chris Okotie and Emeka Ike


Ike had, in a statement on Thursday, accused Okotie of stalling efforts he is making to save his marriage with Suzanne.


Trouble started in Ike’s home recently, when the wife accused him of assaulting him.


While the actor has repeatedly denied this, the woman is said to have filed for a divorce in a Lagos court.


Ike alleged that instead of Okotie, who he claimed to have admitted Suzanne to his church, to intervene in the matter, he was encouraging her to pursue the case.


He also claimed that the pastor gave the woman N500,000 to hire a Senior Advocate of Nigeria.


He added, “Yes, Pastor Chris Okotie just absolved (sic) my wife into his church without making any effort to get in touch with me. If, as a pastor, your church member is having issues with her husband, and you fail to do anything to resolve it, what kind of pastor are you? When I called him, he refused to pick my call. He also failed to react to a text message I sent to him. Is that a man of God?


“Even, if you have a police case, they will make an effort to hear from you before taking a position, not to talk of the church. I want the whole world to know because there is a lot of misinformation out there. The lawyer which Okotie hired for my wife is also frustrating every attempt I make to resolve the matter peacefully.”


But speaking through his media consultant in a telephone interview with our correspondent on Thursday, Mr. Ladi Ayodeji, media consultant to Okotie, said Ike’s allegations were so baseless that the he was not prepared to dignify them with a comment.


He said, “There is nothing to what he is saying. It is total rubbish. What is he saying? Why will the pastor be interested in his domestic issue? Will he say he wants to marry the woman?


“What kind of man will be saying that kind of things on the Internet? Why is it that each time any of them has any issue they always want to bring Okotie into it? Responding to the outburst will only make the guy feel important. The pastor can’t dignify him with any.”



Okotie behind my crashed marriage – Emeka Ike

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Wife accuses pastor husband of sleeping with church members

A 42-year-old housewife, Mrs Doris Oseni, has told a Customary Court in Ondo town that she caught her husband of 12 years, Prophet Femi Oseni, on the floor of the church office, having sex with another woman.


The woman, who is also an Evangelist, therefore asked the court to dissolve her marriage on the ground of adultery, desertion and lack of love on the part of the husband .


The petitioner said her husband’s behaviour towards her changed after seven years of their marriage with no child, adding that since then, the defendant had been sleeping around with different women, most of whom were members of his congregation.


She added that after several days of abandoning her, she traced her husband to his church in a village not far from Ondo town.


She claimed that on getting there, she met her husband on the floor of the church office with one of the women in the church having sex.


She added that she reported her husband’s strange behaviour to his mother but that did not stop him from the alleged adulterous acts.


As a result of this she said she was fed up of the relationship, praying the court to separate them.


Doris also accused the husband of having a child out of wedlock, who she said was a product of his extra-marital affairs.


The 45-year-old Oseni pleaded with the court not to dissolve the marriage, saying he still loved the woman, whom he described as a virtuous woman that had been taking care of him since he married her.


In his ruling the President of the Court, Joshua Adunbi, said the words and body language of the wife had shown that she was tired of the union, therefore ordered for the dissolution of the marriage.


Adunbi added that both parties were free to re-marry any person of their choice and ordered the petitioner to pay the sum of N2,500 to the respondent as a refund of dowry.


He however noted that anyone of the parties that was not satisfied with the decision of the court could appeal the ruling within 30 days.



Wife accuses pastor husband of sleeping with church members

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Gossips as Tonto Dikeh gets married

By Vanessa Enofe, Naija Center News.


Over the weekend, a controversial Nollywood actress, Tonto Dikeh surprised her fans with the news of her wedding introduction. YES O, NO BE FILM, NA REAL LIFE.


Tonto Dikeh

Tonto Dikeh


The actress  tie the knot with her fiance Oladunni Churchill. The actress cum singer introduced her husband to be, to her family members over the weekend.


 


After the introduction, the actress changed her name on her Istagram to Mrs Tonto Wigo Dikeh-Churchill, and rumour has it that she is already pregnant.


Rumour also has it that Churchill is a married man with children which means Tonto maybe the second wife.


One of her close friends Jeremiah Ogbodo who posted pictures of the ceremony on twitter yesterday added a caption “Blessings on blessings on blessings @tontolet my bae is leaving me. But am happy am so excited, Jesus you rule and @tontoletwinning #Goals What God has JOined let no man put asunder, i can’t even express my excitement Super proud of you and who you have become. Congrats my darling PH Una to much”


The news of the introduction agog the social media yesterday generating several comments from both friends and foes.


Obviously not everyone was happy about the marriage


Gideon Okeke after the news of the introduction tweeted a surprising and unexpected tweet saying “so, Aunty last last marries Mr. X. Not like it stops the rain from pouring though”


Then another Nollywood badbelle tweeted “Be careful when you keeping bae a secret coz he might just be a few other people’s bae too”


Expected, Tonto is known for her outspokeness and she fired back immediately saying “watch who you are talking to. Be mindful of who you are letting into your life. If you ever sit down with someone to talk and they rae belittling and bitching about people they used to be close to or never close to.. Chatting shi*t or telling truths that you don’t need to know.. Generally hating and gossip talking about whoever… Don’t tell this people anything about you. REcognize that they will do same to you when you aren’t flavour or the month anymore… Some people will try to use you, when you can’t be used/used anymore, the selfish and disloyal behaviour will begin”




Gossips as Tonto Dikeh gets married

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

I bought my husband to correct his sexual weakness - Wife tells court

Ikorodu (Lagos) – A 39-year-old fashion designer, Mrs Farotimi Titilayo, has pleaded with an Ikorodu Customary Court in Lagos to dissolve her eight-year-old marriage on grounds of sexual denial and neglect.


Titilayo, who resides at Nosiru St., Eyita, Ikorodu, told the court that her husband, Amos, grossly denied her sex before they deserted each other.


“My husband was sexually imbalance before I left him in 2011; I reported him to his family but they pleaded on his behalf.


“I bought him drugs to correct his sexual weakness but he refused to take them.


“We have been living separately for over four years now because he refused to find solution to his problems.


“I want this court to officially divorce this marriage because I want to move on with my life; I don’t want to bear his name anymore,’’ she said.


The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports that the respondent was not in court even after having been said to have been served the court’s notices three times.


The Court President, Mr Olu Adebiyi, said that the court could not continue to delay hearing of the case as the respondent had been absent at proceedings several times.


He, however, said “we will still serve the husband one more time to see if he will attend the next court date.’’

Adebiyi adjourned the case to Sept. 2.


 



I bought my husband to correct his sexual weakness - Wife tells court

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Husband wants wife to refund N1.4m marriage expenses

Lagos – A middle-aged-man, Collins Nduka, on Thursday pleaded with an Ojo Customary Court in Lagos State to order his wife, Sefinat Nduka, to refund N1.4 million he spent in marrying her.


Collins told the court that his wife, whom he married three years ago, had decided to abandon her matrimonial home for more than a year.


“I would want a refund of the amount that I spent as marriage and dowry expenses because she has become unfaithful.


“My wife is not faithful to the marriage because she has other relationships apart from me and I no more love her. After all, she has not given birth to any child for me.


“The most painful thing is that she has parked all my belongings in my house to an unknown place in addition to her emptying my shop which I stocked with over N750,000,” he said.


According to him, the three-year-old marriage is being threatened and every bit of her action portrays her as someone no longer interested in the union.


“I invited my friends from outside the country to make the marriage an expensive one and after it, she wants to leave me for another man, I need my dowry so she can be free,” Nduka said.


He pleaded with the court to dissolve the marriage and order Sefinat to return his belongings which she allegedly parked away and money to him so that he could continue with his life.


Sefinat, who was absent in court, had earlier told the court that she did not cart away her husband’s property as he had alleged.


She, however, said that she was ready for the divorce.


The President, Chief Joseph Ogunmola, while advising the husband on the dangers of divorce, instructed that the respondent be invited to the court.


“The court does not dissolve any marriage except in extreme cases, we need the consent of both parties before judgment so she must be invited, “he said.


Ogunmola, therefore, adjourned the case to May19 for further hearing. (NAN)


 



Husband wants wife to refund N1.4m marriage expenses

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Teenager Kills Husband In Kano After 5 Days Of Marriage

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An 18-year-old wife, Rahma Hussaini, Wednesday, stabbed her newly wedded husband at Darmunawa quarters of Kano after the couple had a quarrel, reports have said. Sources said Rahma was forced to marry the 24-year-old Tijjani Basiru.


Stabbed to death in Edo StateA neighbour, Isa Alhassan told Vanguard that the young couple got married last Friday, pointing out that “from what we heard the union was a product of forced marriage”.


“We were alarmed by a frightening scream of a subdued man in need of rescue and we rushed to discovered that the man of the house was in the pool of his blood.


“Neighbours mobilized and took the groom to the hospital but doctors confirmed him dead on arrival,” Alhassan said.


According to the eyewitness, the bride was handed over to the police that arrived in good time following a tip off.


Kano State Police Public Relations Officer, ASP Magaji Musa Majia confirmed the incident, saying “at about 10:00hrs one Rahma Hussaini of Darmunawa quarters stabbed her husband, one Tijjani M Basiru on his stomach with a knife and was rushed to AKTH.”


According to the police image maker, the victim of the attack was later confirmed dead and the female suspect has been taken into custody. Investigations are ongoing.



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Teenager Kills Husband In Kano After 5 Days Of Marriage

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Peter Okoye of Psquare attends younger sister"s marriage with Lola

By Vanessa Enofe, Naija Center Gossips.


The younger sister to Psquare Mary Okoye today tied the knots with Nollywood fast rising star Emma Emordi today in a sabi and one of the hip hop duo psquare, Peter Okoye was there in attendance with his wife


Here are some pics from the event


Psquare sister and her newly wedded husband

Peter okoye and Lola

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Peter Okoye of Psquare attends younger sister"s marriage with Lola

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Chris Martin, Get Away From Gwyneth Paltrow!

Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow
Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t even look happy in happier times.


Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow had the most infamous and pretentious public separation ever: Her “conscious uncoupling,” which she announced via her obnoxiously WASP-y GOOP blog, became an international sensation just based on how ridiculous the whole thing was. And now they’re trying to consciously couple again.



A source told Radar Online, “Chris still lives with her, they are amazingly lovey-dovey together and she still wears her wedding ring. They may have consciously uncoupled a few months ago – but they seem to be recoupling now. No one will be surprised if they get back together.” The insider added, “It’s true they had problems but in the weirdest way this ‘conscious uncoupling’ situation has relieved the pressure on them.”



Here’s the problem with recoupling: Paltrow never really wanted to split — at least not publicly — and that’s a problem, especially considering Martin may have had a wandering eye throughout their marriage. For all her egocentricity, Paltrow clearly has self-esteem issues if feigning a picket fence for the public is more important to her than her own self-respect.


Additionally, The “my life is so hard being a millionaire with well-connected parents and servants and a rockstar husband and a mansion, damn all you working mothers with your convenient 9-to-5″ attitude is bound to get old, and sources previously revealed that Paltrow wanted to keep up appearances with the Coldplay singer. She wanted to break up, but she didn’t want the world to know they were breaking up, because it would shatter her manufactured, out-of-touch image of domestic bliss.



As a result, reuniting with the insufferable Paltrow may just be a public relations ploy on her part more than true romantic feelings, real effort to work things out and an actual happy future together. And based on her obsession with image, snobbery and perfection, it doesn’t sound like anyone could really have a happy future with Paltrow.



Here’s hoping Chris Martin finally gets to go to McDonald’s if he wants. And that he writes another “The Scientist.”



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Chris Martin, Get Away From Gwyneth Paltrow!

Yes, Chris Harrison Would Date A Former "Bachelor" Contestant!

Chris Harrison
“I love hosting and creating the show that is ‘The Bachelor’.”


No one gives advice on love quite like Bachelor and Bachelorette host Chris Harrison. No matter the situation — be it right after you tell the man you thought you loved, “Ess not OK,” or the moment you kick a man out for his faux pas of forgetting to mention his girlfriend back home — Harrison always seems to know the right thing to say. Don’t even try to deny that you’ve applied his words of wisdom to your own dating life once or twice.



Unfortunately, Chris Harrison’s own romantic life hasn’t been all, well, roses. He split with his wife of 18 years, Gwen Jones, two years ago.



“Get yourself right and happy before you do anything, before you bring anybody else into any relationships,” Harrison shares his life-after-divorce advice with YourTango in a recent interview. “Figure out where you are in your life, no matter what that is.”


Since the divorce, Chris has been spotted holding hands and cuddling up to a few women, but he has yet to hand out his final rose — and he’s not throwing out the possibility of that rose going to a former Bachelor contestant.



“I’ll never say never to anything — you get in trouble when you do that — but definitely while the show is going on, whether it’s Bachelor or it’s Bachelorette, I never really look at it as an opportunity,” Harrison said.



And while he may not be shutting the fantasy-suite door on dating former contestants, he slams any talk of Chris Harrison being named the next Bachelor — despite pleading from viewers.



“People have to understand this is what I do … and this is what I love to do. I love television, and I love hosting it. And I love hosting and creating the show that is The Bachelor. So I hope people understand that I believe in what the show’s about, and I believe in what it does. And I also believe in what I do, and I really love my job. And so, I hate to say that it’s clinical that I approach it as a job. I approach these people as friends, to a certain degree, but … it really is work,” said Harrison.



Sorry, single women; it doesn’t look like he’ll be accepting a rose from ABC any time soon.



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Yes, Chris Harrison Would Date A Former "Bachelor" Contestant!

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Angry Bones: What My Father Hid Behind His Rage

Love: Father
He loved what was most beautiful in life.


When we were kids, my sister and I always got in trouble on Father’s Day.



The problem wasn’t our gift (which was always the same: White Owl cigars), but rather, no matter what cards we bought, they were wrong. Either they didn’t cost enough and so showed that we didn’t really appreciate my father, or they cost too much and proved we were wasteful and didn’t care about his and my mother’s hard work. After all, they earned the allowance money that we used to buy the cards.



He never said anything to us, but then again he never talked about his feelings, he wasn’t raised to. He grew up the ninth of 10 children; his mother was exhausted and his father wasn’t around much.



He did not come from a generation when people aired their feelings. And even if he had been born later, I bet he wasn’t the kind of man who would have expressed them anyway. I wouldn’t call him the strong silent type because he had very loud rages. But he also was not a man who would have thought it important to articulate his needs — only his frustrations and his disappointments.



When I was older and no longer lived with him, if I called him on Father’s Day, he asked why I hadn’t sent a card (even if I had sent it and he hadn’t gotten it yet). If I sent a card, he accused me of not wanting to talk to him.



There was no way of winning. My father, a WW II veteran, once said that when he was a young soldier, friends were killed as soon as he felt close to them so he stopped making friends. I suspect, though, that his rages predated the war.



He screamed. He broke things. And his reputation as a bad parent was highlighted by my mother’s saintliness. Everyone — neighbors, friends, relatives, teachers, people who worked with her, my sister and I — always said how wonderful my mother was.



On the other hand, people didn’t say much about my father, even though he was good looking enough to attract plenty of attention. He had black curly hair and green eyes, and when he was out cutting the grass, neighborhood women always stopped to talk to him.



He was a wonderful handyman and could fix anything. He trained himself to be a woodworker, a plumber, an electrician and a gardener. But he was mainly known for his temper and the inequality between him and my mother. She attended college and was a professional success at a time when most women didn’t work outside the home. He never got to high school, and was always quitting jobs because he didn’t feel appreciated enough.



A marriage between a saint and a sinner isn’t uncommon. But my father wasn’t really a sinner. He just couldn’t live up to my mother, although he adored her.



“You think I don’t know I married above myself?” he asked us all the time, as though anyone was going to argue that with him. “Your mother doesn’t have a mean bone in her body.” For a while as a kid, I thought that bones carried emotions. His bones were pretty angry.



For a year or so, he was a truck driver and he would send postcards to my mother everyday. The cards always had beautiful pictures. Even as a child, I felt that the cards showed him to be filled with a kind of longing and love that he could never express. I remember feeling badly about that and it created a kind of longing in me. I wanted my mother to know what he was trying to say. My wonderful, brilliant mother didn’t get my father in some basic way. Although she was nice to everyone, she didn’t understand feelings.



The trouble with the cards, from my mother’s point of view, was that all they ever said was: “To Mary, with love.” She would toss them away, impatient that he “had nothing to say.” Nightly I would sneak into the kitchen and pick his cards out of the garbage. Many of them were black and white and were of the towns he was passing through. Always, they showed some beauty, some indefinable quality.



It is difficult as a child to go against what you are taught, and I was taught that in the world my mother’s qualities were valued and my father’s were not (except by flirting women).



Though he acted gruff, he had a rare appreciation for the power and beauty of nature. At the beach, he would run into the ocean and swim beyond the waves as though he was made for the powerful currents. On a road trip in the country, he would often pull the car over and say he just wanted to get out a moment.



“Girls do you want to come see?”



“See what?” my mother would ask. He had no answer but I always got out with him. He had always stopped in a beautiful place and that was what there was to see.



He would get back into the car and say something that to my mother probably confirmed his stupidity like, “all cities are alike but when you come out to the country there is something to see.”



“How can you say that when cities are teeming with culture?” my mother would respond.



It was my father who planted flowers, his large back bent over, his face tender when he didn’t know anyone was watching him. And I didn’t know what I was picking up as a child when I watched him. I would sit on the stoop and try to be invisible. I would see the raw life in him, the tenderness, and even during his rages, puzzled as I was, I think I was aware that people often carry more inside than they know what to do with. I could never get close to him, but I was deeply moved by him.



If he were alive this Father’s Day, I would send a card and I would call. Maybe I would even pay him a face-to-face visit. I would thank him. I would be filled with feeling, though I would also feel as inarticulate as he apparently did when he sent those postcards.



But I would try to tell him what he meant to me. And maybe, just maybe, he would actually listen. 



Dear Dad,



It is sometimes hard to know what someone has given us until many years later.

Thank you for your vitality. Thank you for your love of nature. Thank you for your big feelings. For your sake and ours, I wish you had known better how to express them but still you contained a strong life force and that taught me something basic about people.

Difficult as it is to express to you exactly what you have given, I am grateful and I send love.



Your daughter



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Angry Bones: What My Father Hid Behind His Rage

Welcome, Pippa: The Middletons Are Coming To America!

Pippa Middleton
Pippa Middleton is doing America!


Pippa Middleton is bringing her brand to the United States!



The sister of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge — the pretentious royal name given to the adorable Kate Middleton — and sister-in-law to Prince William (Duke of Cambridge) will be here on a charity trip.



Pippa and brother James will make a 3,000 mile bicycle trek across the United States with their friend, James Matthews, for Race Across America. They will race in honor of Matthews’ brother, Michael, who passed away in 1999 after a descent from Mt. Everest when he was 22 years old. Michael was the youngest Briton to make it to the top of the mountain.


The race will begin in Oceanside, California and end in Annapolis, Maryland.



It’s not Pippa’s first endurance rodeo: She’s previously participated in endurance ski races and other athletic events. It’s how she keeps that inexplicably infamous bum so taut!



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Welcome, Pippa: The Middletons Are Coming To America!

Friday, June 13, 2014

14 Steps To Making A Striptease Sexy (Not Awkward)

woman dancing in front of mirror
Step one? Practice!


If you feel like getting a little more adventurous with your foreplay then perhaps you want to try strip teasing. Now for the amateur this is type of foreplay may seem scary since it can potentially be physically dangerous and easily awkward if your partner can tell that you don’t know what you’re doing, but with these 14 steps from The Stir, you can turn into your own sexy, graceful version of Dita Von Teese in no time!



Step 1. Practice. Don’t just wing it and rely on intuition and “the mood.” Try it alone first in front of a mirror, trying out different moves, music, and clothes. “It’s really about capturing the spirit of it all. It’s about your individuality,” Dita says. And by the way, you may want to look up some of Dita’s strip teases on YouTube and steal a few of her moves.



Find the rest of the steps here: 14 Steps To Doing A Striptease Dance That’s Sexy Not Awkward



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14 Steps To Making A Striptease Sexy (Not Awkward)

How Scandalous! 10 Celebrities Who Got Caught Cheating

Kristen Stewart
Kristen Stewart attends the ‘Clouds Of Sils Maria’ premiere.


Yikes! These celebrities were caught cheating! But to add to their embarrassment, it was all caught on camera for the world to see.



From Kristen Stewart’s infamous affair with married director Rupert Sanders while she was still with Robert Pattinson to the now married couple LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian’s continuous feud with his ex-wife, Brandi Glancille, things sure got ugly. The craziest part is that it doesn’t stop there. From politicians to singers to actresses, no one is spared.



Trust us; you don’t want to miss this one. Click here to find out which other celebrities were caught red handed: Celebrities Who Got Caught Cheating



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How Scandalous! 10 Celebrities Who Got Caught Cheating

Lost In Translation: How Can We Bridge The Gender Gap?


It often seems like the opposite sex is speaking a whole different language. Even you’re both clearly fluent in the same language, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are communicating with one another effectively.



Spirtual coach Cynthia James and her husband Carl Studna discuss their new online teleseries Bridging The Gender Gap which involves the development of trust and understanding between men and women.



If you want to avoid being lost in translation, Bridging The Gender Gap will provide you with all the help you need. Watch the video above to catch a sneak peak of the online series.



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Lost In Translation: How Can We Bridge The Gender Gap?

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Detached And Dating: 7 Steps To Playing It Cool With A New Guy

Relationship Advice For Women: 7 Steps To Playing It Cool
Don’t put so much pressure on a relationship and let things occur naturally.


You’ve seen the benefits and advantages of Relationship Lite (RL). Now you’re wondering how to put it into practice. This article will give you some tips you can practice today and change your dating life for the better.



Before we get started, let’s talk a little about men and commitment. Many of you will practice RL in hopes of getting a commitment and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s natural for you to want a committed relationship. But keep in mind that many women get to that point much quicker than men do. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you when a man is taking longer to decide whether or not he wants a future with you.



For a typical woman, taking it a bit slower takes practice and time. However, this is not something you can fake or pretend. You can’t be thinking that you want a commitment and to move things to the “next level” all while telling a guy you aren’t sure what you want. You will both want to stay honest and open about how you feel and refrain from hidden agendas. If you have an agenda in your head, your energy will show that and the man will sense it.



In the first 90 days of a relationship, a man can’t really promise you more than monogamy and an exclusive dating relationship. If he finds himself really liking you and enjoying your company, he will continue to ask you out and may even introduce you to friends and family.



For a man, the first level of commitment is sexual exclusivity. He won’t sleep with anyone else, but be aware that in his mind, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re his “girlfriend“. In his mind, he’s still dating you and getting to know you. Because sex means commitment for many women, you may wish to consider holding off on intimacy until you’re more sure about the guy.



If you know you’re the kind of woman who tends to fall in love quickly after becoming sexual with a man, there’s always the chance that he could break your heart if he breaks it off. For various biological and psychological reasons, men don’t bond through sex as quickly as women do, and for that reason, you’ll want to be careful about too much, too soon.



Steve Harvey (the author) suggests a 90 Day Rule (waiting 90 days before having sex) and personally, I believe it’s ludicrous to have a set agenda. If you saw the movie he produced “Think Like a Man,” to the best of my knowledge, not one woman waited 90 days for sex (so he didn’t even practice what he preached).



Here’s the rule that I suggest, and it’s easy to remember. It’s just four letters……C.A.R.E.



  • C: Comfortable (sex is a personal choice and when it’s comfortable, it’s right).


  • A: Aware of the consequences (if you easily bond, know that sex, for men, doesn’t equal a relationship).


  • R: Real (learn his real intentions with you).


  • E: Exclusive Sex Agreement (be upfront if monogamy is important to you).


As always, the decision to have sex (or not) is yours. I want to protect your heart. This is why I recommend you don’t have sex unless and until you know you will be okay with whatever happens afterward.



Here are seven easy ways to incorporate RL into your life:



  1. As always, date passionately detached. It fits right in with RL, live and date with all options open, but you’re attached to none of them.


  2. Allow yourself to be, not do. Receive what he gives you and give yourself permission to live in your open, happy feminine energy. Don’t give more than he gives. In fact, refrain from giving too many gifts and favors.


  3. Don’t project into tomorrow — live in the moment. Fully experience each minute you spend with him. Don’t worry about what comes next. Let things unfold as they will.


  4. Enjoy your life. Enjoy your friends, family, work, hobbies. Make those your focus while your dating him, not an afterthought.


  5. Allow him to be who he is. Accept him for who he is, not who you wish he was. If he is far less than you want him to be, let that be a sign to move on. Do not take on the project of trying to make him what you want him to be.


  6. Be open to the surprise and adventure of dating. This will take some practice, but the less you expect, the more you’ll get. He won’t always do things the way you want him to, but let him do things his way. He’s not wrong, just different.


  7. Be yourself, not who you think you should be. If you don’t like sports, don’t pretend that you do just to please him. He will appreciate your honesty.


As a man, I’ll get kicked out of the club for saying this, but women are the higher species. You have a lot of influence with us men. When you go RL, you protect yourself more, you enjoy the relationship and him more, you’ll feel more secure, happier and more confident in yourself and the relationship.



You’ll learn what you truly want and don’t want in a man, because you’ll see them for who they really are, not who you want them to be. In short, it’s a happier, more genuine and more honest way to approach relationships than you’ve ever experienced before. Once you go Lite, you’ll never go back to the old ways of dating.



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Detached And Dating: 7 Steps To Playing It Cool With A New Guy

This $26,000 Mistake Cost A Man His Fiancée

girl packing
Find out what got her packing!


Everyone has their deal breakers, but once you guys get engaged you would hope that you both passed each other’s tests. By that time you hopefully get along with each other’s family, you both have an idea of what kind of marriage you want, and what kind of household you both want to have. This couple however disagreed on the last part and is now broken up all because of a $26,000 man cave!



When you think of a “man cave” you might picture a comfortable Lazy Boy, a few sports posters, and a big flat screen. But this guy’s themed man cave ended up scaring away his fiancée. Do you think she had a right to leave?



Find out here: This Man’s $26,000 ‘Man Cave’ Cost Him His Fiancée



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This $26,000 Mistake Cost A Man His Fiancée

Did Kris Jenner Pay A Former Lover To Silence Him?

Kris Jenner
Nine seasons later, ‘KUWTK’ is still going thanks to momager, Kris!


Kris Jenner has already admitted to cheating on her belated husband, Rob Kardashian, with her lover Todd Waterman in her memoir. The question is, did she pay him off to keep him quiet?



A handy dandy Non Disclosure Agreement seems to always do the trick for the Kardashian matriarch when it comes to dealing with business. Did she also use it as a solution to her personal problems? Todd’s mother, Liza Waterman, addressed the rumors recently and you will be surprised by what she has to say!



Scandalous. What do you think? Is that something Kris Jenner would do?


Click Here To Find Out What Kris Jenner’s Ex Lover’s Mother Has To Say



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Did Kris Jenner Pay A Former Lover To Silence Him?