How much sex is enough? Weekly sex makes for happy couples – study

How much sex is enough? Just once a week is all it takes for optimal happiness among married heterosexual couples and those in long-term relationships, said a US study Wednesday.

The findings are based on surveys of more than 30,000 Americans collected over four decades, and are published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

“Although more frequent sex is associated with greater happiness, this link was no longer significant at a frequency of more than once a week,” said lead researcher Amy Muise, a social psychologist and postdoctoral fellow at the University of Toronto-Mississauga.

“Our findings suggest that it’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner, but you don’t need to have sex everyday as long as you’re maintaining that connection.”

Researchers noted that the study was not designed to show cause-and-effect, so it remains unknown whether happiness leads to weekly sex, or if weekly sex arouses more joy in life.

The study was also limited to people in romantic relationships, not single people.

“In fact, there was no association between sexual frequency and well-being for single people,” said Muise.

The findings were also consistent across age groups, gender and the length of the relationship — whether months or decades.

Muise said couples should discuss whether their sexual needs are being met, rather than simply press for more sex.

“It’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner without putting too much pressure on engaging in sex as frequently as possible,” she said.

How much sex is enough? Weekly sex makes for happy couples – study

Frustration: I Want To Kill Myself

By Ehi Ekhator

If you die today, what dreams, what ideas, what gifts, what talents, what voice, what stories will die with you?

See, a lot of people go to work everyday miserable, and all they do is talk about how miserable they are but they don’t do anything about it. You know that you are deliberately operating below your potentials, you stop expanding, you stop stretching, you stop challenging yourself. It is hard living, life is hard, so most people don’t use their imaginations, most people don’t dream anymore. Why? Because through the conditioning process of life after so many rejections.

Depression, Frustration, Lifestyle

You know what you can do, you know what you have done and you have also seen what has been done by others in your environment, by others in your circumstances, then you look at where you want to go. What most people do, they do that which they feel they know can work because they already done, so they allow their negative history to determine their possibilities for them. So when they run into a road block, even though they have something beyond their comfort zone, when they run into a road block,something happens to them. Most people allow life to control them and their circumstances.

Look into the future, what is it that you want, what is it that you like to create for you? You want to make a dream come through, you have to stay focus. Some people rather get even than get ahead, stay focus on where you want go go.

This is not going to be it for my life, i deserve more than this. That will start making you do some stuff. Not only it is possible to have your dream but it is necessary, it is necessary that you have it, that you work on it, that you develop yourself, that you go for what is yours in the universe.

the major key to your reaching your dream, your living up to your greatness, your making your contribution to your making things happen in your life IS YOU, but you have to take personal responsibility to make it happen. You make it happen that you don’t give up, that you don’t take any objection or disappointment or defeat personally, that you keep on keeping on, that you don’t decide that i can’t make it because you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel…

Live your life with passion, with some drive, you got to remind yourself that you got powers within you, talents within you that you haven’t reached for yet. So whatever dream you got, that dream, that idea that has been given to you.

There is no guarantee that because someone is now down on their kneels will never come back? who can guarantee that you can’t make it, that you can’t have your dream, that you can’t do what you want to do? No one can do it, no one can do that.

All we need to do is to look at our dreams, have we given it exactly what it needed, have we invested our potentials in it? What is holding us back? Our fears or your cowardice?

Life is yours, the future is yours.. Is either you decide to take it or leave it..Trying to go through short cut won’t get you anywhere. There are keys unlocked in you, that power to move mountains, to do anything you want, you have suppressed for so long, while not do it the normal way rather than the short cut?

Be the light that shineth on people and do not allow hoodlums change your destiny, create that path, walk the walk, work the work, clear that bush path and make a comfort from nothing.

I assure you it is hard, you have tried, Do you know the kind of strength you possessed when you are being chased by a tiger? You can jump a fence higher than you, something you wouldn’t do when you are relaxed.

Well, that’s life, take the challenges as a tiger trying to kill you, take the race and jump that fence by leaving your comfort zone. You have no idea of what you are made of until you give it a try. It doesn’t matter how many times you fall, what matters is how many times you decided to get up. Live to tell an interesting story, a story that would encourage others, a story that will give hope and future to others and not a shameful one that would make people address you as a coward..

Why me? keep it! that is a question of a coward. If not you then who? Why not you? challenges come to us so we can find something special within us, challenges chase us so we can find solution and then realize we are problem solvers than what we think. Keep feeling sorry for yourself when you have the key to unlock that happiness and greatness you have always wanted.

 

You can talk with me at ehidan@naijacenter.com

Frustration: I Want To Kill Myself

Incest: Sexual relationships between brothers and sisters

By Emmanuel Edukugho

We are living in a complex and highly sophisticated society in which sexual intercourse is often taken for granted not only among individuals unknown to each other, but even between family members and close relatives. Incidents of incest, defined as “having sexual relations or activity with close family members”, are common today all over the world, but not often reported. That presents a  dilemma.

Incest is not only a  taboo but also  illegal. Different kinds of incest exist – one  is  when a  father and daughter, or step father and step daughter engage in sexual relationship. This kind of incest has been the most reported worldwide. But in Nigeria, incest between  fathers and daughters is hardly reported because nobody wants such a story to be heard outside the family.

Incest in  Nigeria  is kept often as a “family secret”, not to be reported to the relevant authorities.

However, some fathers and stepfathers abuse their daughters and stepdaughters on  regular basis, while victims are unable to do anything about it. Even when a mother knows what is going on, she tries to put an end to it in her own way, but rarely reports the matter to the authorities, for fear of being stigmatized.

Sex  between siblings is another kind of incest that is  common but rarely reported. Little children are fond of  practising what they see adults do. Often  times, they  imitate what  they watch  on television when adults kiss or have sex. So parents must monitor their kids and the kind of films they watch while they are around and  block  such films or video from their children  when they are not at home.

There have been instances where teenage or adult siblings fall in love with one another and get involved in sexual relationship without the knowledge of their parents. Even  when the parents are aware, there is little or nothing that  they can do to stop  it.

A youngman (names withheld) involved in incest confessed, saying, “You can’t help whom you fall in love with, it just happens. I fell in love with my sister and I am not ashamed  of  it. I only feel sorry for mom and dad.”

But the question is whether the man’s  excuse is morally justified. We can decide who  to fall in love with if we exercise self control, because we are in charge of our actions and emotions, not the other way round.

Our investigation  showed it is very difficult for girls and women to report cases of incest in their families, either as victims or as eye witnesses for fear of being stigmatized. Family members often insist on solving the  problem, but time has proved  they lacked the will to tackle  it.

The judicial system is not helping either, because such cases are left to die  due to lack of diligent prosecution. The case may drag on for years, then forgotten, frustrating victims from seeking justice for those who are even courageous enough to approach the authorities. At the end, the abuser goes unpunished while the victim returns, depressed, discomforted, hopeless.

Incest destroys relationship in the family, especially between the abuser and the victim; the victim may become  loose and promiscuous and could end up in prostitution.

Incest the risk of  teenage or adolescent pregnancy, causes depression and intense guilt, can lead to drug and alcohol abuse by victims.

Social research studies  showed  that most societies  regard  sexual relations between  close family members  as not only a  taboo, an affront against decency, an abomination, but also illegal. “Incest occurs everywhere even though people won’t admit to partaking in it,” said a university don.

Some researchers  argued that in certain circumstances, incest is a necessity while  multiple studies showed that offsprings of distant relatives are actually healtheir than the general population.  Because there is usually more of an evolutionary advantage to diversifying the gene pool, therefore incest is not very common in species who practice sexual reproduction.

But where there is no natural advantage, to genetic diversity, incest still exists. An evolutionary biologist at Bowdoin College in Maina, USA, Dr. Nathaniel Wheelwright, who focuses on sexual reproduction, described asexual reproduction to LiveScience as the “ultimate incest” because an organism is breeding with itself.

“You can still see species asexually reproducing, or cloning themselves, in situations where there is no advantage to (sex)”, Wheelwright explained, “and you can see species that commit incest where there is no penalty to inbreeding.”

What Draws Some People To Incest

It is believed that people have a biological defense against close forms of incest, since there are the cases most  likely to end in genetically compromised offsprings. LiveScience reported that Finnish sociologist, Edward Westermarck, suggested that growing up in the same house puts people off from developing sexual feelings. This is so even in cases where children are not directly related. When close incest does occur, that is, sexual relations between first relations like brother and sister or father and daughter, it is more likely due to a psychological factor than a biological attraction. Genetic attraction occurs when two relatives who have been seperated for a long time in their lives meet for the first time and experience  intense emotional attraction. According to a report, this  occurs in around 50% of reunions between close relatives separated at birth. “These people regress to a very early stage of development. The relationship is sensual, but we don’t call it ‘romance’ or being ‘in love’ when it’s breastfeeding, cradling, and stroking, or when it’s a mother and baby gazing into one another’s eyes,”explained psychotherapist Joe Soll.

According to him, this jump to incest is most common in brother – sister relationships, although it’s unknown  why. According to one brother and sister relationship, the intense attraction is rooted in their physical resemblance.

“It’s like kissing myself, “ a woman who goes by the name ‘Rachel’ spoke  of her intimacy with her brother ‘Shawn’.

In general, inbred children (born by incest sexual relations) exhibit lower intelligence and physical strength and get sick more often compared to their non-inbred counterparts. The risk for life-threatening diseases and deformities among inbred children is relatively higher.

Our genes are responsible for essentially every part of who we are. Most of our genes are either beneficial or largely neutral, but a small number of genes usually carry serious health consequences known as “autosomal recessive diseases.”These include cystic fibrosis, sickle cell anemia, Tay-sachs disease and albinism. In small gene pools, the chances of offspring inheriting the two recessive genes needed to express these conditions increases.

For example, first cousins would have a 12.5% of having a child with one of these disorders.

Hence Tay-Sachs, a genetic disorder that retards mental, physical action, being most prevalent in some population trends of Jewish origin, and Puerto Rico having the highest density of albinism in the world, a US research institute reported.

When you have an even smaller gene pool, such as two first relatives, the chances of inheriting these recessive conditions may go up to 50/50. A 2008 study on 48 cases of incest found that the risk for birth defects  is around 2% in the general population but rises to only 4% between first cousins.

Incest Statistics

*Research shows that 46% of children who are raped are victims of family members (Langan and Harlow, 1994)

*The majority of American  victims (6%) are raped  before the age of 18;  furthermore, an astounding 29% of  rape occurred when the victim was less than 11 years old. Also 11% of rape victims are raped by their fathers or step fathers and another 16% are raped by their relatives (National Centre for Victims of Crime and Crime Victims Research and Treatment Centre, 1992).

*The Study of a nationally representative sample of state prisoners serving time for violent crime in 1991 showed that, of those prisoners convicted of rape and sexual assault, two-thirds victimised children and almost one third of the victims were children or step children of the assailant (Greenfield, 1996).

*In a study of male survivors of child sexual abuse, over 80% had a history of substance abuse, 50% had suicidal thoughts, 23% attempted suicide and almost 70% received psychological treatment.  About 31% had violently victimised others (Lisak, 1994)

There was also the Bible story about  incest in which Lot, a just and righteous man who got drunk and impregnated his virgin daughters. “Come, let us make our father drink wine and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night; and the first born went in and lay with her father, and he perceived not when she lay down n or when she arose. The younger daughter did same. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.”Genesis 19:32-36.

 

Incest: Sexual relationships between brothers and sisters

Coping with Critics

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By Tina Tessina

No one likes to be criticized, fairly or not. It’s always difficult to deal with, and it can hurt. Because I’m a writer of books and columns, and because I’ve lectured, appeared on radio and TV, I am sometimes recognized in public. I’m glad I’m not more recognizable, for along with the lovely feedback, gratitude and complements I get from many people, others feel compelled to criticize, often in a mean way, and often without having even read whatever book or column they’re criticizing. So, I’ve been forced to learn to deal with negative comments, even when they’re mean-spirited, and intended to hurt me. Because we all get criticized from time to time, you may find the following ideas helpful.

Whether criticism is intended to be helpful or harmful, you can use it positively. Evaluate the critic—is it a good friend, a kind person, a mentor? Criticism from any of these is likely to be constructive, and you can probably trust it and learn from it. Is the criticism from a competitive rival? Then use its mirror image — it’s probably something powerful about you that threatens the rival. Is it from a lover or intimate person? Then it can hurt a lot, because intimates know where your soft spots are—and, they often project their own fears onto you. Whatever the source of the criticism, ignore it for a few hours or a day, until the sting has subsided, and then evaluate its usefulness to you. If a trusted mentor is offering constructive criticism, it may be a great gift to you, once you have absorbed it. Stretch yourself a bit, and look at the comment from an objective viewpoint, and see how much truth you think it holds. Above all, be true to yourself, and know that your own good opinion of yourself is most valuable if it is based on truth.

There are a few things you can do to help the criticism “roll off your back.” First, use a sense of humor: if you can come up with a clever funny remark that diffuses the criticism, that is always the most effective way to disarm it. Second, give an “adult time out” to anyone who is negative and critical: emotionally retreat into politeness. Be very pleasant, but distant—say “Yes, please” “No, thank you” and respond politely to any request, but don’t share any personal information. This usually causes a negative person to snap out of it. Third, ignore any negative thing that is said—just treat it as if it didn’t happen. In this way, you don’t reward it, and the other person will eventually stop.

Don’t try to motivate yourself with criticism. You can be self-critical because you don’t realize the consequences—if you’re critical of a friend or loved one, they will be angry at you, and perhaps leave, but most of us don’t realize how self-critical we are, and how much it damages our lives, so we continue to harp on ourselves. Also, if you were around a parent who was very critical when you were a child, it will feel “normal” to you, and you won’t realize how it really sounds. Self-criticism damages your quality of life in several ways: it eats away at your self-esteem, which can make you needy in relationships and keep others from getting close. It also leads to excess spending, drinking, eating, etc. in an attempt to feel better.

Overpowering yourself with internal criticism or external coercion makes you feel oppressed and rebellious. The intimidation and pressure eventually leads to paralysis and procrastination. In my experience with myself and my clients, the only kind of motivation that works permanently grows out of celebration and appreciation. It’s easy to remember in equation form: celebration + appreciation = motivation When you find a way to appreciate yourself for what you’ve already accomplished, and to celebrate your previous successes, you will find you are naturally motivated to accomplish more. No struggle, no hassle — you accomplish out of the pure joy of success!

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Coping with Critics

Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude

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Despite the occasional temporary setback, my life is good, and I’m grateful. It wasn’t always that way, however. At 18, just after I left for college, I was essentially orphaned, and have had to go from no education or support to finding a purpose, supporting myself through a PhD, and developing four businesses to do that. I also recovered from an abusive marriage, and now have been happily married for 23 years, and in successful private practice since 1978. Before I could succeed, I needed to learn to support myself emotionally as well as financially. Having come from a difficult time, I appreciate my blessings, and I find that even the problems have become blessings. Today, I am privileged to use my experiences to work with clients every day to help them become more independent, self-actualizing, fulfilled, and successful.

One of the most powerful tools we have in turning the negative to positive is self-talk. We all have a running dialog in our heads, which often is negative or self-defeating. The good news is that we can choose to replace this negative monologue with something more positive. The brain tends to repeat familiar things over and over, going again and again over established neuronal pathways. Repeating a mantra, an affirmation or a choice over and over creates new pathways, which eventually become automatic. The new thoughts will run through your head like the old thoughts did, or like a popular song you’ve heard over and over.

If your self talk feels “naturally negative,” you may be creating a self-fulfilling identity. One thing you can do is to monitor your self-talk: what do you say to yourself about the upcoming day, about mistakes, about your luck? If these messages are negative, changing them can indeed lift your spirits and your optimism. Know yourself: if you love silence, tend to be quiet, like quiet conversations and not big parties, this may be a genetic trait — your hearing, and nervous system may be more sensitive than others, and this trait will not go away. You can, however, make the most of it, and learn that creating plenty of quiet in your life will make you a happier person. If, on the other hand, you’re a party animal—social, enjoying noise and excitement, you can also use that as an asset. Positive, happy people do have an easier time in life, and bounce back from problems faster. There are things you can do in every case to increase your level of optimism, even if you can’t change who you are.

Your thoughts affect your mood, and how you relate  to yourself can either lift or dampen your spirits. Neuronal activity in the brain activates hormones which are synonymous with feelings. Constant self-criticism results in a “what’s the use” attitude, which leads to depression. Continuous free-floating thoughts of impending doom lead to anxiety attacks. Negative self-talk creates stress. What I do to help clients become aware of self-inflicted stress is first, to ask them to become aware of what they’re saying to themselves—if there is a constant stream of negativity, it will create stress—just as being followed around by someone who’s constantly carping on you would be stressful. Also, if they’re fighting within themselves—not able to come to a solid idea of what they want—that will make it difficult to make decisions, and increase the stress. Dysfunctional relationship patterns also are stress-building. For example, if you are constantly guilt-tripped by someone else, or you and your spouse fight, or you are too worried about others’ opinions of who you are and what you’re doing, you’ll be a lot more stressed than if you know how to get along with others, when to listen and when to trust yourself. Most of my clients don’t realize that they are responsible for their own feelings, and no one else is responsible for making them feel better. 

To move from negativity to gratitude, try the following suggestions:

     Make a note: Write positive comments on your daily calendar to yourself for jobs well done or any achievements you want to celebrate. Or you can paste stickers on your daily calendar as you accomplish goals daily  frequent positive commentary is a very effective way to reward yourself and remind yourself of your success.

     Look to your childhood: Use activities that felt like a celebration in your childhood: did your family toast a celebration with champagne or sparkling cider, a gathering of friends, or a thankful prayer? Create a celebration environment: use balloons, music, flowers, candles, or set your  table with the best china. Use the exercise on your family style in chapter two to find ideas.

     Visible reminders: Surround yourself with visible evidence of your successes. Plant a commemorative rosebush or get a new houseplant to mark a job well done, or display photos of fun events, and sports or hobby trophies.  It’s a constant reminder that you appreciate yourself and when you see them daily, you’ll feel the appreciation.

     Reward yourself:  A new trashy romance novel or detective thriller can be a great reward/celebration for reading your required technical books.

     Party!: Celebrate a cherished friendship with an impromptu lunchtime picnic and a balloon. Or with tickets to a ball game. (adapted from It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction

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Attitude:  From Negative to Gratitude

We found the boy with possibly the biggest hips in the world.

By Vanessa Enofe

Micah is his name and he is just 20 years old.His instagram page is driving g traffic as many are surprised to see a young boy with such massive hips.

Micah who is also gay is very comfortable with his looks as he flaunts it in pictures daily on instagram.He claims the look is natural and has gone ahead to prove that by sharing pictures of his looks transformation as he grew older.

The 20 year old wants to be a musician and vocalist.

See pics below

We found the boy with possibly the biggest hips in the world.

I can still get married and have kids if i want to - Nigerian HIV carrier

By Vanessa Enofe, Naija Center News

The Americn based Nigerian, a brands expert, Kenny Badmus has responded to one of his numerous email he received from his last revelation that he had lived with HIV for fifteen years.

Kenny Brandmuse

Badmus disclosed this information on his Facebook Page on December 1st while trying to encourage people out there that it is unwise to give up over a challenge you can actually take control of.

Badmus told parts of his story on how he intended to commmit suicide after he was informed of his HIV status. He urged people suffering similar disease that it was not the end of their lives.

Responding to questions through his email, Badmus said he could get married and have kids if he wants, adding that science had made it easy for anyone who is a carrier of the virus to live a normal life.

He said “One of the most frequently asked questions from hundreds of emails I received after December 1st is : Will you be able to get married and have a child if you are HIV positive? [ or if you are going through some major medical issue

Let me cut to the chase here and say a bold yes. [ If I want to ]. Being Positive does not preclude anyone from getting married or having children – thank God for science.

Research suggests that anti-HIV therapy during pregnancy plus planned caesarean delivery may reduce the risk of transmission to as low as 1 in 50 women. ( AidsMap) The question is ‘how many of these women are accessing healthcare? If you want to have a healthy child and you are HIV +, quickly get on therapy and follow your doctor’s advice.

To be in love or starting to date again should not scare anyone. And you don’t have to start looking for HIV positive people to date. There are people out there – though very few- who care less what your sero status is. The best prevention you can give your lover/spouse, if they are negative, is for you to ensure you are on treatment. Yes.

The second largest study – 052- to look at whether people with HIV become non-infectious if they are on antiretroviral therapy (ART) has found no cases where someone with a viral load under 200 copies/ml transmitted HIV, either by anal or vaginal sex. Although this study continues into 2017, with best practices and eliminations of other STDs, it’s almost impossible to infect your partner with HIV if you are adhering to your treatment. Even if you don’t use condoms. (AidsMap)

Having established the foregoings, the most important thing for me are the psychosocial issues surrounding the quest for marriage and having a child. It is more of a traditional thing for most of us in Africa to want to get married or have a child by all means. In my opinion, I think it’s a very dogmatic way of living our lives. Why live to make others approve of you? It’s not worth it. Marriage or having children do not guarantee our lives will be better.

As someone who had lived with these societal expectations for many years myself, I became healthier and emancipated the day I dropped these societal impositions. Check this page soon to see my journey into marriage, love, parenting and more. I have seen people in marriages who are very happy, and I have seen people in marriages who are very miserable. I have seen people with children who are very happy.

Just the same way I have seen people with children who are very lonely and miserable in their old age. What brings happiness is living our best lives. Marriage or being being married does not solve all our problems if we enter into it for all the wrong reasons. Being in love is much better. Marriage is a legalistic way of looking at love. It allows for claims, societal celebrations and approvals of our mates. You don’t have to be in love to get married.

The two are not mutually exclusive although they are better when they go hand in hand. Hence, the sham marriages around us today. But you have to be in love to say you are in love. Love has no true love or false love. Marriage on the other hand can be falsified. I’d rather you pushed towards being in and finding love. And if that love leads to marriage, how lucky are you! Embrace it. Do it to gain the legal benefits if you have to marry.

Having a child is about the same. If you can have your own child biologically, embrace it, and cherish it. Science also has made this possible. We should look at this at other time. If you cannot, go pour your love on other children around you. Children are the most visible victims of undernutrition. According to worldhunger.org, ‘children who are poorly nourished suffer up to 160 days of illness each year. Poor nutrition plays a role in at least half of the 10.9 million child deaths each year–five million deaths.’

Further statistics reveals that undernutrition magnifies the effect of every disease, including measles and malaria. The estimated proportions of deaths in which undernutrition is an underlying cause are roughly similar for diarrhea (61%), malaria (57%), pneumonia (52%), and measles (45%) (Black 2003, Bryce 2005). You can be a godmother. A foster parent. An adoptive father. The list goes on.

Ever heard of John H. Johnson and his wife Eunice Walker Johnson? The owners of one of the biggest media platforms in the world, Ebony magazine. This couple never had their own biological children. They adopted Linda Johnson-Rice, who carried on their legacies. History has thousands of such couples. Having a womb and a dick do not make parenting. What makes great parenting is our heart of love.So there you have it. Remove the limitations and the dogmas surrounding your life, and go have some fantastic authentic life. Love. Travel. Eat well. Go volunteering. Give. Buy chocolates. Go partying. Dance. Laugh. Read new books. Write. Take pictures and ‪#‎LIVE‬”

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I can still get married and have kids if i want to - Nigerian HIV carrier

Why you should sleep naked

Over the years, researchers have studied sleep and have disclosed several benefits beyond providing rest for the body. They have also pointed out that it’s not just about sleeping, but length of time, temperature, position, foods and other factors can contribute to getting the best out of sleep time and reaping its numerous benefits. Recent studies have focused on how what one wears to sleep may affect his/her sleep and according to an international study by the U.S. National Sleep Foundation, sleeping in the nude has been shown to have numerous benefits. Experts revealed to Daily mail of UK how ditching pyjamas is the best.

For a good night’s sleep

Sleep Naked

Sleep experts agree it’s important to keep cool at night as your body (or ‘core’) temperature needs to drop by about half a degree for you to fall asleep.

The brain, driven by your internal body clock, sends messages to the blood vessels to open up and release heat.

“Your core temperature is at its highest at 11:00p.m. and its lowest at 4:00a.m,” said Dr Chris Idzikowski, Director of the Edinburgh Sleep Centre, Scotland, and author of ‘Sound Asleep: The Expert Guide To Sleeping Well.’

“If anything prevents that decline in temperature, the brain will wake itself up to see what’s going on, meaning you’ll struggle to get to sleep or you’ll have disturbed sleep.

“The advantage of sleeping naked is it’s easier for the body to cool and maintain the lower temperature the brain wants to achieve,” he said.

Disrupted sleep from being too hot doesn’t just mean you’ll get less sleep overall, but it might mean less deep sleep which is the most restorative type.

Deep sleep is key for memory consolidation and the production of growth hormone — important for cell repair and growth.

Stop infections

Wearing nothing to bed can help women avoid developing yeast infections, such as thrush, says Austin Ugwumadu, a consultant gynaecologist at St George’s Hospital in South London.

“Thrush loves warm, restricted environments. So, wear something loose or preferably nothing at all.

“If you wear something tight, it means less air gets to the area and you’re more likely to sweat, which can cause irritation,” he said.

Burn calories

There is an increasing focus on brown fat, a type of tissue in the body that may protect against weight gain.

While ordinary body fat piles on when we eat more calories than we burn, brown fat seems to burn excess calories to generate heat.

We know babies have lots of brown fat — they need it to keep warm — but studies have shown there are small amounts in the necks of adults too.

Experts believe that certain activities could switch on this fat, potentially helping to burn calories at a greater rate.

In a U.S. study in the journal Diabetes, researchers found that sleeping in a cold bedroom could activate brown fat in adults.

Five healthy young men slept in climate-controlled bedrooms for four months. For the first month, the room was kept at 24°C, then it was lowered to 19°C, then it went back to 24°C and for the last month raised to 27°C.

They ate the same amount of calories and their calorie expenditure and insulin sensitivity — how much insulin the body needs to keep blood sugar levels stable — were measured each day.

The results were striking. After four weeks sleeping at 19°C, the men had almost doubled their volumes of brown fat.

Tests showed they burned more calories throughout the day when their bedroom was cooler (though not enough to lose weight) and their insulin sensitivity had also improved.

Senior author, Francesco S. Celi, said the study showed that over time, sleeping in a cold bedroom could lessen the risk of diabetes.

Michael Symonds, professor of Developmental Physiology at the University of Nottingham and an expert on brown fat, says sleeping naked may be beneficial.

“Brown fat can produce 300 times more heat than any other body organ, meaning if you can keep it activated for a prolonged amount of time you’d be less likely to lay down excess energy.

“So, anything you can do to try to activate it, such as lowering the thermostat and sleeping in the cold, may be of benefit,” he said.

But room temperature shouldn’t be below a level at which you feel comfortable, otherwise you won’t sleep.

People who tend to feel hot at night and like to sleep naked, may have a high amount of brown fat, which causes them to feel warmer than others.

Lower blood pressure

Cosy pyjamas are tempting, but if you share a bed with a partner, going nude will generate a generous boost of oxytocin, a hormone that’s been shown to have a wealth of health benefits.

“It is triggered by closeness, particularly skin-to-skin contact,” says Dr Kerstin Uvnas-Moberg, a physiologist at the Swedish University of Agricultural Sciences and an expert on oxytocin.

“Sensory nerves on the skin send impulses to the brain, triggering the release.

“When a baby is placed on its mother’s chest, the blood in mother and child starts to pulse with oxytocin,” he said.

Oxytocin has a protective effect on the heart, as it lowers blood pressure. It also boosts the immune system and reduces anxiety.

“But it only works if skin-on-skin touching is something you’re happy with,” he added.

Boost your love life

People who sleep naked have happier love lives, according to a survey of 1,000 British adults by a bedsheet company this year.

The study found 57 per cent of nude sleepers were happy with their relationship, compared with 48 per cent of pyjama wearers and 43 per cent of nightie wearers (onesie wearers were just 38 per cent).

Sleeping naked is a good strategy for those with body image issues, says Denise Knowles, sex therapist at counselling charity Relate.

“You can slip under the sheets and then take your clothes off, and then you can be touched, even if you don’t want to be looked at.

“Pyjamas might give the message ‘not tonight,’ but equally a lot of couples have a lot of fun taking each other’s clothes off,” she said.

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Why you should sleep naked

Anger Management|How to control your anger

By Tina B. Tessina

Anger Management

Anger is a taboo emotion in our culture: we feel it, we express it, but we don’t usually talk about it, so it’s difficult for adults to figure out what to do with their anger. Expressing anger in a dysfunctional way does lead to broken families, and even to landing in the hospital, the morgue and the nightly news.

Anger

Anger

Anger is the force within us that rises when something needs to change. If we act on the need to create change, the anger can be channeled effectively; but if it’s not redirected to something effective, the frustration will build, leading to rage. Anger that is allowed to get out of control is as destructive as a hurricane, but anger that is expressed in healthy ways can “clear the air” just as a storm does. The aftermath of a healthy, not too violent storm allows us to appreciate the pleasures of calmness.

People who have angry outbursts, whether at spouses or freeway traffic, have poor impulse control. They are often “stuck” in the early temper tantrum stage (about age 2 1/2 to 3) because they never learned to manage their own anger. Whoever was supposed to help them manage their temper, such as parents or teachers, were absent, intimidated or helpless, and allowed the child to grow into a raging adult. They may also have witnessed a family member who was a “rageaholic” and frequently angry or violent. People who rage don’t know how to do “emotional maintenance” and shake off stress. They also don’t know how to quit when something is getting to them. Those who allow themselves to rage don’t know how to tell they’re on the brink, or how to stop. They often have a sense of entitlement (“I just have a bad temper,” said with some pride) and a lack of emotional maturity. They’re actually like emotional three year olds in adult bodies, which is dangerous.

The difference between people who lose their temper (throw fits, throw objects, scream and yell) and those who don’t is that those with self control can feel that they’re getting upset, getting close to “losing it.” With enough harassment and pressure, anyone can be goaded into rage.

People keep control of their anger just stop or leave the situation earlier before they are pushed so far. They respect their own anger, and deal with it effectively. As soon as they feel anger is getting out of control, they stop what they’re doing, walk away, change their thinking/attitude, journal, pray, or call a friend to get calmed down.

Easily Angry or Irritated

Being easily angered or irritated is a great way to punish yourself. It raises your blood pressure, and tends to create unnecessary problems with others. Anger interferes with clear thinking, and being irritable makes it unpleasant and difficult for others to work or socialize with you. To reform this habit, you must develop more emotional maturity. Understand that your anger is not seen as power by others, but as childishness and petulance. It will lose you far more than you will gain. Learn to slow down, and reduce your overly high expectations. Allow others to be themselves, and don’t expect them to march to your drum. Counting to 10 works wonders, as does taking three deep breaths when you are upset.

Taking up yoga, meditation, tai chi, or another calming pursuit will teach you patience. Strenuous physical activity is a great way to burn off excess anger. If none of these work, see a therapist or join an anger management group.

An angry reaction is not that rational. It’s an emotional thing. Those who overreact are scared, feel helpless, and are trying to get in control of what’s happening. It’s not rational thinking, and a movie probably won’t help. No matter what you do, don’t get into a fight about anger. It’s better to choose your battles, even if you’re the only one choosing. Your partner cannot fight alone.

Do not accept or make excuses for temper tantrums. A bad temper, sudden outbursts of anger or rage are indications that you or your partner are not in control of your emotions. You don’t know how far someone will take this. Never try to placate or soothe a partner who gets unreasonably angry, and don’t give in to demands. Nip these outbursts in the bud, or get help.

Anger needs to be talked about, but not acted out. Acting out your anger (tantrums, yelling, violence) unless it is done in a carefully controlled therapeutic environment, simply reinforces the idea that anger is the same as acting out. Those therapeutic sessions that urge people to express their anger with yelling are really intended for people who have trouble getting angry. Anger management and abatement requires learning about your anger, what it means, what triggers it, and how to use it in a healthy way.

I teach my clients with anger problems that “He who loses it, loses.” Expressing anger in an out-of-control way will ruin your relationships, cost you your job, separate you from your children, and land you in the hospital or in jail. Instead, you need to understand how to recognize the growth of your anger before it’s too far gone to control, and learn to channel it in healthy ways.

To express your anger effectively, follow these steps:

• First, you must stay calm—if you raise your voice, you won’t be heard, because the other person will become defensive.

• If you aren’t calm, calm down before expressing your anger: count to 10, take deep breaths, talk to someone with whom you are not angry.

• Figure out what you’re angry about. It’s common to be upset or angry but not know exactly what it’s all about. What are you feeling? Who are you angry at? What did he or she do? Taking the time to get clear about your anger will make it easier for you to be clear with your partner, and easier for your partner to figure out what to do. If your partner did something wrong, just blaming still doesn’t make it clear exactly how you were hurt, or what the other person can do to make it right.

• Know what will appease your anger. It is your responsibility to know what the other person can do to be forgiven.

• Understand if you’ll be doing any damage, to yourself or others, by expressing your anger. It’s usually not smart to tell your boss, a policeman, your mother-in-law or other people with power that you’re angry. It’s better to offer a solution in those cases. Raging at children is destructive to their entire being. Also, when someone is deep in grief, or recovering from an illness or big problem like being fired, it is not a good time to talk about your anger. Doing so makes you look uncaring and narcissistic.

• Only after these steps should you directly tell the person that you are angry (I’m angry, and I need to talk with you about it) and explain what you need to fix the problem, (I need you to never hurt me like that again; I need you to pick up your mess; I am not willing to be friends with you if you gossip about me)

• If you’ve followed the steps, you will almost always get a positive response to your anger—an apology and a promise to change behavior.

If you can’t calm down enough to follow the above steps, you may have a rage problem. If that’s the case, then therapy is what you need. Often people who throw temper tantrums (rage) think it’s OK because they grew up in an environment where it was permitted. If, as a child, you or your partner were surrounded by adults who yelled a lot or were violent, or didn’t help you mature out of temper tantrums, you may have a distorted idea of anger.

When you’re in control of your impulses, you don’t have temper tantrums, drink too much, or let your other “animal impulses”: (i.e.: greed, lust, gluttony, pride, rage, jealousy, etc.) take over. We all have negative impulses. The mature person has them under control, and can keep his or her life on an even keel. That is, you think before you react or respond. Inner anarchy exists if you’re getting drunk, raging, remaining in bad relationships “because I love him.”

Self management is not difficult, once you understand it’s your responsibility. Many of us remain mystified about our inner thoughts and feelings, because we’ve never been taught to consult with ourselves before acting. Asking your own opinion about an issue, finding out what you think or feel about it, takes the pressure off you, and gives you the means and opportunity to decide how you’re going to act on what you think and feel.

Anger Management|How to control your anger

‘Dangers of Pre-Marital Sex’

Pre-marital sex is referred to as sexual relation between two or more people prior to marriage. The meaning has shifted to all sexual relations a person had before a legal marriage.

Alternative terms for pre-marital sex include:

- Non-Marital sex.

- Young/Adolescent sex.

- Young-Adult sex.

Pre-marital sex can take the form of; – lesbianism, homosexuality, incest, masturbation, bestiality among others.

Today illicit sex is associated with millions of youths who are unaware of the dangers of pre-marital sex. Instead of youths to worship God with their precious time, they waste their time committing sin and destroying their future.

Ecclesiastes 12: 4 – “Remember now thy creator in days of thy youth while the evil days come not, nor the days draw nigh when thou shall say I have no pleasure in them”.

How/Why People Get Involved in Pre-Marital Sex

People find themselves in areas where lifestyle of boarder on committing sin. Places like the ghetto/slums or areas where there are no strict moral values, most of the time form part of the environment where youths learn evil ways fast. Therefore, things like smoking, rape, stealing pickpocketing, pre-marital sex, having girlfriends are some of the ridiculous practices seen in this kind of places.

Pre-marital sex also thrives in mixed schools. Having a lot of girls clustering around, send evil messages with peer groups encouraging one to have sex with as many girls as possible with the assurance that there will be no harm.

1Corinthians 16:9 “For a great door and effectual is opened unto me and there are many adversaries” –KJV.

Another reason young people indulge in pre-marital sex is their great curiosity to explore what sexual activity is all about. They do this without considering the damaging consequences. Here it may take the form of casual sex with one of the partners seeking to experience sex.

Cohabitation breeds sexual immorality. This has to do with couples living together in a long term relationship without marriage. Examples of people that fall into this category are betrothed couples who engage in sexual activity before the anticipated marriage.

Studies reveal that people who cohabit find it difficult to marry for obvious reasons. If that is the case, the question is why young people still cohabit?

It must be stated here also that the consequences of cohabitation is life-threatening and therefore should be avoided.

Consequences of Premarital Sex

Satan has caused much damage to the youths making them to commit fornication. Fornication is pre-marital sex. Damage which could not be repaired has been inflicted on young promising persons and the have to live with it for the rest of their lives.

God knows that there are dangers in pre-marital sex that is why He wants us to flee from youthful lust 2Timoty 2:22 “Flee youthful lusts but follow righteousness, faith, charity, and peace with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart”.

Sex is a powerful force that can destroy if not used properly. Like atomic power, sex is the most powerful creative force given to man. When atomic power is used correctly, it can create boundless energy, when it is used in the wrong way it destroys life. Sex is the same kind of powerful force. Sex is the gift from God to give us the greatest pleasure to help in creating deep companionship with one’s spouse and for procreation of the next generation. But if you play with this powerful force outside the bounds of marriage, it destroys you and those close to you.

- Sexual activity for young people arrests their psychological, social and academic development. Studies show that when young people engage in pre-marital sex, their academic performance declines and their social relationships with family and friends deteriorate. This is because adolescents are too immature to deal with the explosive sex drive and it tends to dominate their lives.

- Majority of women cannot enjoy sex outside the bonds of Marriage. Pre-marital sex usually takes place sneaking around in hidden places, dealing with the fear of being caught, the fear of pregnancy and feelings of guilt. All these worrisome factors undermine pleasure in premarital sex most especially in women.

- Virginity is to be given to the most important person in your life – the person you committed to stay forever in marriage. Your virginity is the most precious thing you have to your spouse. Once you lose it nothing in the world can bring it back.

Spiritual Effects of Pre-marital Sex

- It is a sin - 1Thessalonica 4:3 (for this is the will of God even your sanctification that you should abstain from fornication)

- 1Cor. 6:9 – No fornicator will enter into the kingdom of God.

- Colossians 3:5-6 – Fornicators attract the anger of God against themselves. It is a dangerous thing to fall into the hands of God.

Deuteronomy 22:13-21 – Penalty of fornication is death.

Matthew 5:32 – The sin of fornication is the only ground on which a man should divorce his married wife. Fornication is a very terrible sin as it affects all the body.

- Fornication brings more sin.

Most pre-marital sex ends up in pregnancy, sickness abandonment or sale of babies. The rate of abortion has increased because of increase in pre-marital sex. Involving in pre-marital sex is a sin of its own but committing abortion is murder. Almost all today’s youth must have committed murder before reaching age 25. Some of them abandon their babies in dustbins, gutters and other public places which is an increase to their original sin of fornication. Some secretly sale their babies to ready buyers who use such babies for rituals, or resale them to wealthy couples who could not bear their own children.

- It creates an ungodly soul tie

A soul tie is an agreement one enters with another that creates a special bond between two people. Soul ties are common and exist everywhere – husband and wife, parent and children, teacher and student, pastors and church members, employer and employees. Sex is not just a causal fun as most people think and take it to be. It is much more than that, it involves blood. The Bible says “Life is in the blood” Lev.17:14.

When you have sex with a person you have given a part of your life to that person and in return the person has given you a part of his own life in the spirit realm. In the spirit realm, two of you have become one. You start to share things in common. That is why disease, sickness, demons and many things and many things pass through during sexual intercourse. In addition, you have just created “a soul tie” between you and the person involved. Since God does not permit pre-marital sex, it becomes an “ungodly tie” in the sight of God. That is why some girls find a special liking or memory on the day of dis-virginity, the blood that flows out that day becomes the blood of the covenant or agreement. Genesis 34 Shechem the prince of the land of Hivite committed fornication with Dinah the daughter of Jacob. The soul of Shechem cleaves unto Dinah. First it was lust, and then came love, yet it wasungodly

- It fragmentize your soul

Since sexual intercourse creates soul ties, each person you have sex with you have given part of your heart or soul in the spiritual realm. That is why people who were promiscuous before settling down for marriage find it difficult settling down at all because their soul has been divided; always thinking of their relationships with their previous partners thus making it impossible for them to settle down for marriage. If a person has slept with a thousand persons in his life, his love, heart and several other things has been shared with these thousand persons. A close look at the society shows that wayward people find it difficult to have a fulfilled marriage life because they have shared their life with several people.

Most promiscuous people are involved in extramarital sex. They are never satisfied with one person just for no reason, always looking for their lost soul. It is dangerous engaging in pre-marital sex because it can affect your marriage in future.

- It passes demons to you

This is perhaps the most worrisome part of pre-marital sex. Demons and other problems gain entrance into your body through pre-marital sex.

1 Corinthians 6:16 “know ye not that he which is joined to a harlot is one body? For two saith He shall be one flesh. Have not heard how a serpent that was in another person was transferred to another in the course of sex. It passes demons to your generation. Any sin that becomes a habit is iniquity.

- It is a sin against your own body

Other sins are outside the body except the sin of fornication, 1Corinthians 6:18.

Fornication has the capacity of doing the flowing to you:

* You lose confidence.

* Diseases, sicknesses take over you.

* Your relationship with your family becomes unstable and lying sets in.

Pre-marital Sex Is Lust

Love is from God. It gives unconditionally and it can wait. Lust is from Satan. It is selfish and wants immediate gratification. Any man that loves you will never demand sex from you as a proof of your love for him. Love is patient, is long suffering and endures.

1John 4:7 Beloved let us love one another for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knowth God.

Many young people today have the spirit of Ammon 2^nd Samuel 13:12-14. Beware!

Other Dangers of Pre-marital Sex

* Premature parenthood

* It makes you marry the wrong person who may not be supportive, friendly or compatible.

* Rejection, abandonment

* Infertility

* It kills your vision

Everybody that was involved in pre-marital sex in the Bible suffered punishment. Genesis 34: 26-27 and they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem’s house and went out. The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.

2^nd Samuel 12:29 the servants of Absalom slew Ammon on the order of Absalom for raping his sister Tamah.

Avoidance/Prevention/Advice

The only way to avoid the dangers of pre-marital sex is to abstain from it. Sex education has suggested the use of condom but statistics has shown that condom has failed in stopping dangers of illicit sex. Condom cannot stop the passage of demons during sexual intercourse. Our youths have taken pre-marital sex as a normal thing and a way of life. I want to sound this note of warning that it is devils device to destroy you people. Hear what the Bible say in Proverbs 14:12 there is a way that seemeth unto a man is right but the end is death

* Disassociate yourself from immoral/ungodly peer group.

* Try not to be idle.

* Beware of the type of film you watch.

* Make the Bible your closest companion and pray always.

* Take a personal decision to start living a life of purity and God will back you up.

* Mind what you drink – refrain from alcohol.

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‘Dangers of Pre-Marital Sex’

Will you share your unclad pictures with your partner?

By Vanessa Enofe, Naija Center News

It’s becoming an everyday issue for guys exposing the pictures of their lovers after relationship goes sour.

There has been many situations where mostly men uploading pictures of their ex lovers out of anger on the internet for the public to see. Usually, pictures are exchanged when the relationship is sweet, when the heart beats and promises are made.

Some folks believe that sharing nude picture with your partner is out of desperation in trying to prove your love, without knowing if your partner loves you back.

It’s a risky trade to trust these days as many people now take advantage of the situation to either blackmail their partners to remain in the relationship or even sometimes siphoning money from you.

There was a situation of a young man on Facebook who lured his victims to a certain hotel in Lagos, took their pictures and blackmailed them the next day. His victims were mainly married women who he succeeded in promising jobs and requesting for sex before offering their desires.

The women could not tell their best friends nor report the situation to the police until one of them, despite the consequence, informed the police who later arrested the blackmailer.

It could be recalled that Nigerian celebrity and musician, Don Jazzy expressed disappointment over some girls who he said were desperate enough to send their nude pictures to him just to convince him so as to get invited to his abode.

One would think that women know the value of their body or they wouldn’t go extra miles to selling it out for a penny or love.

The same situation goes to the men who their penis are all over the internet over their action when the going were sweet.

Some group believe that the problem are the men who betray their partners by sharing such pictures since such information were shared during a relationship. These people believe such men should be arrested and sued to deprive more people from doing it. Since the pictures are already on the internet, there is nothing more to loose but put a stop by suing the betrayal.

Few days ago, a certain boy posted a picture of a girl who he said cheated on him, on the internet, calling her all sorts of names.

You can view the pictures here

PHOTO 3  PHOTO 4 PHOTO 5

And am going to say this here that ladies should stop sending their nude pictures.You have so many ways you can proof your love to your partner, try some other ways, nude pics is not a proof for true love and so is sex…Love demands more decency and responsibility.

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Will you share your unclad pictures with your partner?

Want less wrinkles, better immune systems? Try sex

• Read more amazing benefits of regular sex

One thing that may continue to be relevant even if other things fail in marriage is sex. It is so important that it sometimes determines the wellness and longevity of some marriages.

As much as it is believed that most men have sex as a form of enjoyment, findings have shown that many women, on the other hand, see sex as more of obligation, thus, it does not take priority in their to-do list.

Even though not all men who have sex for pleasure understand its benefits for their well being and general health, women may not also fare better when it comes to understanding the benefits, thus, sex occupies the back seat in their minds.

A new study by HealthyWomen, a leading health information source for women, has revealed that women who have regular sex will have less wrinkles, more initimacy with their partners and better immune systems. This study however states that only few women recognise the wellness benefits of a healthy sex life.

According to the study, about 51 per cent believe that engaging in sexual activity a few times a week is sexually healthy while just 42 per cent of the women said they believe sexual health is very important to their overall health and about 66 per cent said they only engage in sexual activity once a week or less often.

The survey was conducted online among 1,031 women who reside in the United States, aged 18 and above.

According to the Executive Director of HealthyWomen, Elizabeth Battaglino, many women don’t really understand the physical benefits of an active sex life.

While calling on women to rethink how they view sex and start to prioritise their sexual health and wellness more, she added that beyond the benefit of forming a closer bond with the partner, an active sex life can decrease stress, strengthen pelvic floor muscles, increase immune system function and burn calories.

Commenting on the study, a psychiatrist, Naomi Greenblatt, who specialises in women’s health, agreed with the study, saying while pleasure and intimacy with a partner should be a primary motivation to have sex, the health and wellness benefits are a big bonus.

“There seems to be a growing trend in women having sex for obligation, not enjoyment purposes. Women say there are only 24 hours in the day, and they simply are not prioritising sex,” Greenblatt added.

Most women believe connecting with their partner is the most according to the study, important aspect of their sex life.

 

 

 

A cross section of women who spoke with our correspondent said they did not know that sex has health benefits. While some said they sometimes have sex for enjoyment with their partners, some others said they have it out of the need to satisfy their husbands and boost their intimacy.

“It’s interesting that women rank many factors of their sex life, such as connecting with their partners, as important but aren’t highly satisfied with those factors. Good sex may be the ideal but it is not the reality for many women,” said Battaglino.

A psychologist, Miss Oladele Olaitan, said apart from the child-bearing factor, most women are not aware of the health benefits of sex. She observed a growing trend in women having sex because they see it as a form of duty to their husbands. She added that this could explain why a lot of women reach orgasm during sex.

She said, “From observation, most men place a higher priority on sex than most women do, even though it depends on individuals. It is possible to say that it is a pleasure for men and obligation for the women because women may not be aware of the health benefits of sex.”

The benefits of sex for women are physiological and psychological. It can help reduce stress, give energy, reduce wrinkles, improve intimacy between partners, reduce pain and boost the immune system, amongst other benefits.

A study carried out by the journal of sexual medicine revealed that women who do not have sex more than twice a month fell sick more often than those who have regular orgasm, not just sex.

Another survey carried out by the National Cancer Institute revealed that males who have an average of 21 ejaculations within a month had a 33 per cent lower risk of having prostrate cancer than those who have four to seven ejaculations.

“Sex has benefits for men too. It relieves them of stress and it puts them in a better mood, which can be linked to hormones like endorphins that are released during sex. It also improves the level of intimacy between partners, which improves mental health amongst other things,” Olaitan explained.

A consultant psychologist, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said the idea of women having sex as obligation and not enjoyment could not be generalised as it could only apply to some married women. He added that sex might not be a priority for couples who have been married for a long time unlike when they were newly married.

“The major reason for not paying adequate attention to sex and its benefits is because there are other distractions in terms of career, children and other sundry issues. In this age when we have a proliferation of career women, the stress from going and coming back from work militates against sexual interest.

“Good sex has to be totally stress-free and we are having an exponential growth in the number of women becoming career women unlike before, all of which militate against sexual interaction in marital situations,” Elegbeleye added.

He noted that many women do enjoy sex just like men but that it depends on the attention the two partners pay to it and the cultural role women play, which may cause some discrepancies.

“The reason why some women marry are far more than just sex and there are situations whereby women have other considerations for going into marriage even when they do not gallantly enjoy sex, it could be riches, material things and good looks because it is not all women that enjoy sex at the same pedestal as men do.

“There is nothing that keeps youthfulness than staying away from stress as much as possible. Other factors could be access to good food and lifestyle,” he said.

He explained that apart from the reproductive aspect, which is the traditional and cultural usefulness of sex, “it is a form of exercise if engaged in reasonably and without drug, and it fosters a lot of intimacy between couples, particularly when they engage in it reasonably,” he said.

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Want less wrinkles, better immune systems? Try sex

Chris Martin, Get Away From Gwyneth Paltrow!

Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t even look happy in happier times.

Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow had the most infamous and pretentious public separation ever: Her “conscious uncoupling,” which she announced via her obnoxiously WASP-y GOOP blog, became an international sensation just based on how ridiculous the whole thing was. And now they’re trying to consciously couple again.

A source told Radar Online, “Chris still lives with her, they are amazingly lovey-dovey together and she still wears her wedding ring. They may have consciously uncoupled a few months ago – but they seem to be recoupling now. No one will be surprised if they get back together.” The insider added, “It’s true they had problems but in the weirdest way this ‘conscious uncoupling’ situation has relieved the pressure on them.”

Here’s the problem with recoupling: Paltrow never really wanted to split — at least not publicly — and that’s a problem, especially considering Martin may have had a wandering eye throughout their marriage. For all her egocentricity, Paltrow clearly has self-esteem issues if feigning a picket fence for the public is more important to her than her own self-respect.

Additionally, The “my life is so hard being a millionaire with well-connected parents and servants and a rockstar husband and a mansion, damn all you working mothers with your convenient 9-to-5″ attitude is bound to get old, and sources previously revealed that Paltrow wanted to keep up appearances with the Coldplay singer. She wanted to break up, but she didn’t want the world to know they were breaking up, because it would shatter her manufactured, out-of-touch image of domestic bliss.

As a result, reuniting with the insufferable Paltrow may just be a public relations ploy on her part more than true romantic feelings, real effort to work things out and an actual happy future together. And based on her obsession with image, snobbery and perfection, it doesn’t sound like anyone could really have a happy future with Paltrow.

Here’s hoping Chris Martin finally gets to go to McDonald’s if he wants. And that he writes another “The Scientist.”

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Chris Martin, Get Away From Gwyneth Paltrow!

Yes, Chris Harrison Would Date A Former "Bachelor" Contestant!

“I love hosting and creating the show that is ‘The Bachelor’.”

No one gives advice on love quite like Bachelor and Bachelorette host Chris Harrison. No matter the situation — be it right after you tell the man you thought you loved, “Ess not OK,” or the moment you kick a man out for his faux pas of forgetting to mention his girlfriend back home — Harrison always seems to know the right thing to say. Don’t even try to deny that you’ve applied his words of wisdom to your own dating life once or twice.

Unfortunately, Chris Harrison’s own romantic life hasn’t been all, well, roses. He split with his wife of 18 years, Gwen Jones, two years ago.

“Get yourself right and happy before you do anything, before you bring anybody else into any relationships,” Harrison shares his life-after-divorce advice with YourTango in a recent interview. “Figure out where you are in your life, no matter what that is.”

Since the divorce, Chris has been spotted holding hands and cuddling up to a few women, but he has yet to hand out his final rose — and he’s not throwing out the possibility of that rose going to a former Bachelor contestant.

“I’ll never say never to anything — you get in trouble when you do that — but definitely while the show is going on, whether it’s Bachelor or it’s Bachelorette, I never really look at it as an opportunity,” Harrison said.

And while he may not be shutting the fantasy-suite door on dating former contestants, he slams any talk of Chris Harrison being named the next Bachelor — despite pleading from viewers.

“People have to understand this is what I do … and this is what I love to do. I love television, and I love hosting it. And I love hosting and creating the show that is The Bachelor. So I hope people understand that I believe in what the show’s about, and I believe in what it does. And I also believe in what I do, and I really love my job. And so, I hate to say that it’s clinical that I approach it as a job. I approach these people as friends, to a certain degree, but … it really is work,” said Harrison.

Sorry, single women; it doesn’t look like he’ll be accepting a rose from ABC any time soon.

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Yes, Chris Harrison Would Date A Former "Bachelor" Contestant!

Angry Bones: What My Father Hid Behind His Rage

He loved what was most beautiful in life.

When we were kids, my sister and I always got in trouble on Father’s Day.

The problem wasn’t our gift (which was always the same: White Owl cigars), but rather, no matter what cards we bought, they were wrong. Either they didn’t cost enough and so showed that we didn’t really appreciate my father, or they cost too much and proved we were wasteful and didn’t care about his and my mother’s hard work. After all, they earned the allowance money that we used to buy the cards.

He never said anything to us, but then again he never talked about his feelings, he wasn’t raised to. He grew up the ninth of 10 children; his mother was exhausted and his father wasn’t around much.

He did not come from a generation when people aired their feelings. And even if he had been born later, I bet he wasn’t the kind of man who would have expressed them anyway. I wouldn’t call him the strong silent type because he had very loud rages. But he also was not a man who would have thought it important to articulate his needs — only his frustrations and his disappointments.

When I was older and no longer lived with him, if I called him on Father’s Day, he asked why I hadn’t sent a card (even if I had sent it and he hadn’t gotten it yet). If I sent a card, he accused me of not wanting to talk to him.

There was no way of winning. My father, a WW II veteran, once said that when he was a young soldier, friends were killed as soon as he felt close to them so he stopped making friends. I suspect, though, that his rages predated the war.

He screamed. He broke things. And his reputation as a bad parent was highlighted by my mother’s saintliness. Everyone — neighbors, friends, relatives, teachers, people who worked with her, my sister and I — always said how wonderful my mother was.

On the other hand, people didn’t say much about my father, even though he was good looking enough to attract plenty of attention. He had black curly hair and green eyes, and when he was out cutting the grass, neighborhood women always stopped to talk to him.

He was a wonderful handyman and could fix anything. He trained himself to be a woodworker, a plumber, an electrician and a gardener. But he was mainly known for his temper and the inequality between him and my mother. She attended college and was a professional success at a time when most women didn’t work outside the home. He never got to high school, and was always quitting jobs because he didn’t feel appreciated enough.

A marriage between a saint and a sinner isn’t uncommon. But my father wasn’t really a sinner. He just couldn’t live up to my mother, although he adored her.

“You think I don’t know I married above myself?” he asked us all the time, as though anyone was going to argue that with him. “Your mother doesn’t have a mean bone in her body.” For a while as a kid, I thought that bones carried emotions. His bones were pretty angry.

For a year or so, he was a truck driver and he would send postcards to my mother everyday. The cards always had beautiful pictures. Even as a child, I felt that the cards showed him to be filled with a kind of longing and love that he could never express. I remember feeling badly about that and it created a kind of longing in me. I wanted my mother to know what he was trying to say. My wonderful, brilliant mother didn’t get my father in some basic way. Although she was nice to everyone, she didn’t understand feelings.

The trouble with the cards, from my mother’s point of view, was that all they ever said was: “To Mary, with love.” She would toss them away, impatient that he “had nothing to say.” Nightly I would sneak into the kitchen and pick his cards out of the garbage. Many of them were black and white and were of the towns he was passing through. Always, they showed some beauty, some indefinable quality.

It is difficult as a child to go against what you are taught, and I was taught that in the world my mother’s qualities were valued and my father’s were not (except by flirting women).

Though he acted gruff, he had a rare appreciation for the power and beauty of nature. At the beach, he would run into the ocean and swim beyond the waves as though he was made for the powerful currents. On a road trip in the country, he would often pull the car over and say he just wanted to get out a moment.

“Girls do you want to come see?”

“See what?” my mother would ask. He had no answer but I always got out with him. He had always stopped in a beautiful place and that was what there was to see.

He would get back into the car and say something that to my mother probably confirmed his stupidity like, “all cities are alike but when you come out to the country there is something to see.”

“How can you say that when cities are teeming with culture?” my mother would respond.

It was my father who planted flowers, his large back bent over, his face tender when he didn’t know anyone was watching him. And I didn’t know what I was picking up as a child when I watched him. I would sit on the stoop and try to be invisible. I would see the raw life in him, the tenderness, and even during his rages, puzzled as I was, I think I was aware that people often carry more inside than they know what to do with. I could never get close to him, but I was deeply moved by him.

If he were alive this Father’s Day, I would send a card and I would call. Maybe I would even pay him a face-to-face visit. I would thank him. I would be filled with feeling, though I would also feel as inarticulate as he apparently did when he sent those postcards.

But I would try to tell him what he meant to me. And maybe, just maybe, he would actually listen. 

Dear Dad,

It is sometimes hard to know what someone has given us until many years later.

Thank you for your vitality. Thank you for your love of nature. Thank you for your big feelings. For your sake and ours, I wish you had known better how to express them but still you contained a strong life force and that taught me something basic about people.

Difficult as it is to express to you exactly what you have given, I am grateful and I send love.

Your daughter

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Angry Bones: What My Father Hid Behind His Rage

Welcome, Pippa: The Middletons Are Coming To America!

Pippa Middleton is doing America!

Pippa Middleton is bringing her brand to the United States!

The sister of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge — the pretentious royal name given to the adorable Kate Middleton — and sister-in-law to Prince William (Duke of Cambridge) will be here on a charity trip.

Pippa and brother James will make a 3,000 mile bicycle trek across the United States with their friend, James Matthews, for Race Across America. They will race in honor of Matthews’ brother, Michael, who passed away in 1999 after a descent from Mt. Everest when he was 22 years old. Michael was the youngest Briton to make it to the top of the mountain.

The race will begin in Oceanside, California and end in Annapolis, Maryland.

It’s not Pippa’s first endurance rodeo: She’s previously participated in endurance ski races and other athletic events. It’s how she keeps that inexplicably infamous bum so taut!

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Welcome, Pippa: The Middletons Are Coming To America!

14 Steps To Making A Striptease Sexy (Not Awkward)

Step one? Practice!

If you feel like getting a little more adventurous with your foreplay then perhaps you want to try strip teasing. Now for the amateur this is type of foreplay may seem scary since it can potentially be physically dangerous and easily awkward if your partner can tell that you don’t know what you’re doing, but with these 14 steps from The Stir, you can turn into your own sexy, graceful version of Dita Von Teese in no time!

Step 1. Practice. Don’t just wing it and rely on intuition and “the mood.” Try it alone first in front of a mirror, trying out different moves, music, and clothes. “It’s really about capturing the spirit of it all. It’s about your individuality,” Dita says. And by the way, you may want to look up some of Dita’s strip teases on YouTube and steal a few of her moves.

Find the rest of the steps here: 14 Steps To Doing A Striptease Dance That’s Sexy Not Awkward

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14 Steps To Making A Striptease Sexy (Not Awkward)