BENIN — MILITARY authorities in Benin, Edo State, are on the trail of a married woman, who abandoned a 22-year-old boy in a hotel room after she gave the boy an overdose of sex enhancement drugs.
Vanguard learned that the boy raised an alarm when he started experiencing pains in his erect penis. The receptionist reportedly met the boy looking very weak. He was then rushed to a nearby hospital.
Vanguard was informed that the said woman normally comes to the hotel with the boy after dropping off her children in school.
A source told Vanguard: “She will be in the hotel from 8a.m. till about 2p.m., when she will go and pick the children from school. She spends all the time with the boy in the hotel room.”
It was further gathered that the woman was always buying milk and sex enhancement drugs for the boy. However, on this said day, she was alleged to have given the boy an overdose, leading to the boy’s permanent state of erection.
The boy is said to receiving treatment under the watch of some military personnel, who came to his rescue.
It was learned that police have also been informed, but that they intend to allow the boy regain his strength before going after the married woman, who is said to be a mother of three and married to a wealthy man.
How much sex is enough? Just once a week is all it takes for optimal happiness among married heterosexual couples and those in long-term relationships, said a US study Wednesday.
The findings are based on surveys of more than 30,000 Americans collected over four decades, and are published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.
“Although more frequent sex is associated with greater happiness, this link was no longer significant at a frequency of more than once a week,” said lead researcher Amy Muise, a social psychologist and postdoctoral fellow at the University of Toronto-Mississauga.
“Our findings suggest that it’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner, but you don’t need to have sex everyday as long as you’re maintaining that connection.”
Researchers noted that the study was not designed to show cause-and-effect, so it remains unknown whether happiness leads to weekly sex, or if weekly sex arouses more joy in life.
The study was also limited to people in romantic relationships, not single people.
“In fact, there was no association between sexual frequency and well-being for single people,” said Muise.
The findings were also consistent across age groups, gender and the length of the relationship — whether months or decades.
Muise said couples should discuss whether their sexual needs are being met, rather than simply press for more sex.
“It’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner without putting too much pressure on engaging in sex as frequently as possible,” she said.
One thing that may continue to be relevant even if other things fail in marriage is sex. It is so important that it sometimes determines the wellness and longevity of some marriages.
As much as it is believed that most men have sex as a form of enjoyment, findings have shown that many women, on the other hand, see sex as more of obligation, thus, it does not take priority in their to-do list.
Even though not all men who have sex for pleasure understand its benefits for their well being and general health, women may not also fare better when it comes to understanding the benefits, thus, sex occupies the back seat in their minds.
A new study by HealthyWomen, a leading health information source for women, has revealed that women who have regular sex will have less wrinkles, more initimacy with their partners and better immune systems. This study however states that only few women recognise the wellness benefits of a healthy sex life.
According to the study, about 51 per cent believe that engaging in sexual activity a few times a week is sexually healthy while just 42 per cent of the women said they believe sexual health is very important to their overall health and about 66 per cent said they only engage in sexual activity once a week or less often.
The survey was conducted online among 1,031 women who reside in the United States, aged 18 and above.
According to the Executive Director of HealthyWomen, Elizabeth Battaglino, many women don’t really understand the physical benefits of an active sex life.
While calling on women to rethink how they view sex and start to prioritise their sexual health and wellness more, she added that beyond the benefit of forming a closer bond with the partner, an active sex life can decrease stress, strengthen pelvic floor muscles, increase immune system function and burn calories.
Commenting on the study, a psychiatrist, Naomi Greenblatt, who specialises in women’s health, agreed with the study, saying while pleasure and intimacy with a partner should be a primary motivation to have sex, the health and wellness benefits are a big bonus.
“There seems to be a growing trend in women having sex for obligation, not enjoyment purposes. Women say there are only 24 hours in the day, and they simply are not prioritising sex,” Greenblatt added.
Most women believe connecting with their partner is the most according to the study, important aspect of their sex life.
A cross section of women who spoke with our correspondent said they did not know that sex has health benefits. While some said they sometimes have sex for enjoyment with their partners, some others said they have it out of the need to satisfy their husbands and boost their intimacy.
“It’s interesting that women rank many factors of their sex life, such as connecting with their partners, as important but aren’t highly satisfied with those factors. Good sex may be the ideal but it is not the reality for many women,” said Battaglino.
A psychologist, Miss Oladele Olaitan, said apart from the child-bearing factor, most women are not aware of the health benefits of sex. She observed a growing trend in women having sex because they see it as a form of duty to their husbands. She added that this could explain why a lot of women reach orgasm during sex.
She said, “From observation, most men place a higher priority on sex than most women do, even though it depends on individuals. It is possible to say that it is a pleasure for men and obligation for the women because women may not be aware of the health benefits of sex.”
The benefits of sex for women are physiological and psychological. It can help reduce stress, give energy, reduce wrinkles, improve intimacy between partners, reduce pain and boost the immune system, amongst other benefits.
A study carried out by the journal of sexual medicine revealed that women who do not have sex more than twice a month fell sick more often than those who have regular orgasm, not just sex.
Another survey carried out by the National Cancer Institute revealed that males who have an average of 21 ejaculations within a month had a 33 per cent lower risk of having prostrate cancer than those who have four to seven ejaculations.
“Sex has benefits for men too. It relieves them of stress and it puts them in a better mood, which can be linked to hormones like endorphins that are released during sex. It also improves the level of intimacy between partners, which improves mental health amongst other things,” Olaitan explained.
A consultant psychologist, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said the idea of women having sex as obligation and not enjoyment could not be generalised as it could only apply to some married women. He added that sex might not be a priority for couples who have been married for a long time unlike when they were newly married.
“The major reason for not paying adequate attention to sex and its benefits is because there are other distractions in terms of career, children and other sundry issues. In this age when we have a proliferation of career women, the stress from going and coming back from work militates against sexual interest.
“Good sex has to be totally stress-free and we are having an exponential growth in the number of women becoming career women unlike before, all of which militate against sexual interaction in marital situations,” Elegbeleye added.
He noted that many women do enjoy sex just like men but that it depends on the attention the two partners pay to it and the cultural role women play, which may cause some discrepancies.
“The reason why some women marry are far more than just sex and there are situations whereby women have other considerations for going into marriage even when they do not gallantly enjoy sex, it could be riches, material things and good looks because it is not all women that enjoy sex at the same pedestal as men do.
“There is nothing that keeps youthfulness than staying away from stress as much as possible. Other factors could be access to good food and lifestyle,” he said.
He explained that apart from the reproductive aspect, which is the traditional and cultural usefulness of sex, “it is a form of exercise if engaged in reasonably and without drug, and it fosters a lot of intimacy between couples, particularly when they engage in it reasonably,” he said.
Sex in marriage is sweet and it has been described as an integral part of marriage that cannot be overemphasised. In fact, to some, sex is like food that must be served almost everyday. Even though marriage allows couples to have sex as they please, a new research has revealed that many couples are not sexually satisfied in the bedroom due to many reasons.
Therefore, in case you are feeling dissatisfied with your sex life, even though married, rest assured you are not alone.
A spokesperson for Vouchercloud, who commissioned the research, said, “With so many of us living such busy lives, sex often is not a priority and can easily become another task on a long ‘to do’ list, particularly for couples who have children, as it can be difficult to find the time or even the energy for intimate moments.
“Taking this into account, setting aside a certain time or day in the week is not necessarily a bad idea, even though it doesn’t sound very romantic. Maybe it is time that we spend a little bit more to spice up our sex lives.”
The research, which took place in Britain, revealed that many couples fix days for sex and this usually happens on weekends when most of them don’t go to work. It noted that a third of Britons who are in a relationship are not satisfied with their sex lives, with almost a fifth of the respondents admitting that they even have to schedule sex with their partner and that sex in their relationship happens by appointment only.
“Britons in relationships have sex, on average, six times a month, and many think they are stuck in a rut when it comes to sex, with 17 per cent of all respondents admitting to scheduling sex, with routine times and days of the week appointed to ‘keep the spark alive,’” the report says.
Of the respondents, 53 per cent said they are satisfied with their sex life, as against 32 per cent who are not satisfied, while the remaining 15 per cent were unsure.
The reasons given by those who are not satisfied varies. About 84 per cent said their sex life was boring, while others gave reasons such as, not having sex often enough, their partners not good in bed, the relationship lacking passion and that their sex was too predictable.
In a bid to improve their sex lives, 63 per cent said they had or would consider investing in their sex life, 19 per cent said no, while 18 per cent were unsure if they would spend money to improve their relationship.
The good news, however, is that, of those who had spent money in a bid to improve their sex lives by buying accessories such as films, sex toys, lingerie and erotic outfits, 59 per cent said such efforts had a positive effect on their bedroom activities.
True to the findings of the study, 36-year-old Mrs. Abegunde, told our correspondent that the sex life between her and her husband had almost become regimented and that it had indeed been boring. She explained that the only time they had sex was during weekends because of their work demands.
“During the week, we both leave the house early in the morning and come back late at night, so, usually, we are too tired to do anything intimate. Not even the early morning option could work because once we wake up, the next thing in our mind is how to avoid traffic, so we have unconsciously reserved sex for the weekends. It doesn’t mean that we can’t have it on week days, but personally, I don’t look forward to it and my husband barely has time for it,” she said.
But Mrs. Oluwafemi, a civil servant, said it depends on individuals and couples whether they have to schedule sex or not.
“For me and my husband, our bedroom is our talk point; so most of the time, our bedroom is lively. Even if we are in the house and there is need to talk, we still go to the bedroom,” she said.
Oluwafemi stated further that they do have sex, on the average, twice a week, and it could be more than that sometimes but that it depends generally on their mood. “There is nothing like scheduling sex, in fact when we got married, we had sex everyday for a long time, but now, we have it when we feel like and since we have our discussions in the bedroom, it is expected that one thing will always lead to the other, so we are having enough of it,” she added.
A consultant psychologist, Prof. Makanju Ayobami, said beyond the reasons provided in the study, couples’ sex life could go haywire if they were under stress and this could even lead to dissatisfaction in their sex life.
“Even if they don’t have enough work, boredom can also reduce the number of times couples have sex and lead to dissatisfaction sexually. It is not only about overworking oneself, it is the stress. Stress throws everything out of equilibrium, including sex life and other things that are physiological,” he said.
Ayobami noted that if there was no adequate communication between couples, it could lead to stress in the relationship. “Apart from stress from workplace, it could be from traffic or relationship with other friends.
“If couples are not happy with each other, of course there is stress in their lives, which can affect their sex life, unless they are such couples that can separate their sex life from other things that happen to them,” he added.
He identified other sources of dissatisfaction in sex between couples to include genetic factors, nutrition, drugs, etc. “If a man is experiencing a low level of testosterone, which is the male sex hormone, his libido will go down. Even things like nutrition, drugs, etc. There are some medicinal preparations that we take, for example, if you are taking drugs for pain, it brings the libido down most of the time because it works like a tranquiliser, which is not too good for the body.
“Also, if a person smokes marijuana and other substances of abuse to get high, if the substances are not available at a point in time, it can affect sex life, including too much alcohol,” he said.
It’s been suggested that one in every four women will have problems reaching orgasm at some stage in their life, and 25-35 per cent may never have experienced orgasm before. It is not uncommon for women to have difficulty reaching orgasm during intercourse. In fact, an estimated 70 per cent of women don’t ever have penetrative orgasms.
For many women, the problem is inability to reach orgasm during penetration but not with other forms of stimulation. Such women may find that changing their sexual position will help. The common man-on-top position rarely provides adequate clitoral stimulation to trigger orgasm, but some women find that if they are on top, then orgasm is easier. However, for some couples, the way their bodies fit together means that it won’t ever be possible without some extra stimulation from a finger.
To the woman If you can’t reach orgasm during any form of stimulation, particularly if you have never achieved orgasm, then the first thing you need to do is work out what’s causing the problem.
Medical reasons There are very few medical reasons why a woman can’t reach orgasm but if you have a diagnosed neurological, vascular or hormone problem, then check with your doctor. The problem could be a side effect of medication and very occasionally, pelvic surgery can cause nerve damage and loss of sensation.
Inadequate stimulation The most common physical cause is a lack of adequate stimulation. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm. The second most common factor is tiredness or general illness. Our bodies need to be in general good health in order to enjoy sex.
Psychological cause: Many women experience a range of psychological problems that make orgasm elusive. The most common is known as “spectatoring.” When an orgasm seems to be taking for ever, many women detach from what’s happening and become orgasm watchers. Anxiety increases and rather than enjoying the moment, they’re getting increasingly impatient with themselves.
Stress Another thing that affects female orgasm is stress. If she is stressed and thinks of problems, sex will not work. Relationship problems are also a major contributor to sexual dissatisfaction. If there is unresolved tension with your partner, then your physical relationship will inevitably suffer.
Sexual make-up of women Not understanding the sexual make-up of women can also be a hinderance in female orgasm. Men need to know that women are not as they are. Men are immediately stimulated by sight but women are not. They need more time. They need the right atmosphere, some romance; sometimes soft music can help.To get her to desire you and want to have sex, you have to court her, so that she feels like an attractive woman, and not like a service provider. Men can often make up a quarrel by making love, but women need to feel that the relationship is good first, in order to feel the desire. She needs to get in the right mood. Her man can be helpful and give her a lot of care and appreciation.
Distraction Some women find they are easily distracted from what’s going on, worrying about things to be done or worrying about how their body looks to their partner. Negative sexual messages from the past can leave a woman feeling uncomfortable about being sexually aroused or fearful of losing control.
The truth is, most women will not achieve orgasm through an ordinary genital sexual intercourse. And men often are tired after their orgasm. Because of this, it may be best to ensure that the woman has an orgasm before the man. She will still be excited afterwards, and will enjoy his orgasm.
A word to men Making love is a slow process for a woman and you may have to start many hours in advance, by fondness, and attention from the man she loves. Women need a much longer foreplay than men. Start by whispering sweet words in her ear and fondling her all over her body, but not in the genital area. Be sensitive, all the time, to what she likes and what she wants to hear.
Do not fondle the genital area until she is ready (use lubricating gel, which you can buy in a drug store). You need to have patience. She may not get an orgasm until after 20 minutes or more. And sometimes it will not work, even if you do everything right. You need to love her anyway.
When orgasm is not Fothcoming Women can enjoy sex even if they do not get an orgasm. They enjoy the nearness and intimacy, the fondling and the feeling of love and desire. A request from the man that she must have an orgasm can be a problem for the woman. In spite of this, her husband should try to learn to satisfy her. A woman who has never had an orgasm may be able to learn this by practice. Her chances of succeeding are higher if she has a partner who is responsive to her needs.
In response to my readers’ request, I have packaged some of my previous articles into a book with the title: ENJOYING GREAT SEX LIFE. You can call me on 08112658560 for the book.
Therefore, in case you are feeling dissatisfied with your sex life, even though married, rest assured you are not alone.
For many women, the problem is inability to reach orgasm during penetration but not with other forms of stimulation. Such women may find that changing their sexual position will help. The common man-on-top position rarely provides adequate clitoral stimulation to trigger orgasm, but some women find that if they are on top, then orgasm is easier. However, for some couples, the way their bodies fit together means that it won’t ever be possible without some extra stimulation from a finger.